When nine area football coaches took to the microphone at the Kiwanis Club Crying Towel Luncheon on Tuesday, it was a competition of who could undersell their team the most.
The coaches took turns practicing their self-deprecating humor and taking jabs at the other coaches, taking the edge off of a week in which the teams are gearing up to start their seasons with the Kiwanis Club’s exhibition jamborees Thursday and Friday.
Coach Doug Dotson of Comeaux said as a new coach he was expecting a competitive season, not just on the field, but in terms of big-name coaching.
“You know Carencro has Kevin Faulk, All-SEC. … Northside has Trev Faulk former All-SEC. … We can compete on that level. I went out and got Josh Reed, who is with me today, who was a consistent All-American and Biletnikoff Award winner, coaching our wide receivers,” Dotson said.
Ted Davidson of Acadiana was one of the many coaches who made jest of his players and the dumb jock stereotype.
“We do have a very good mathematician at running back. The other day I asked him what his goals were for the season, and he told me he wanted to gain a thousand or 1,500 yards, whichever came first,” he said.
Davidson wasn’t the only coach facing academic difficulties with players.
Cecilia assistant Logan Duplechain said there are many issues a football team may face, but his team suffers from mental lapses.
“This year especially we are proving the old saying that there’s only two qualifications for being a lineman: you have to be big and you have to be dumb.
“Our skill guys are proving all you have to be is dumb.”
Duplechain said head coach Terry Martin was trying to instill the meaning of toughness and perseverance into the players.
“I said, ‘Coach, did you see their report cards from junior high? They need to learn the majority of the meanings in the English language,’ ” Duplechain joked.
Coach Vincent DeRouen of St. Martinville said his kids were struggling with toughness.
DeRouen, a former elementary school physical education coach, said he thought the days of his students shouting “him hit me” were behind him.
He said on his first day of spring practice the running back came up to him and said, “Coach, him hit me!”
To which DeRouen replied, “Him supposed to hit you, him the linebacker.”
At the end of the luncheon, the judges voted Duplechain the winner.