When I went outside Tuesday morning to get the paper and let the cat either in or out — or possibly both — I noticed a hint of coolness in the air.

It reminded me of my favorite “Only in Louisiana” story, one I repeat every fall.

I was walking into the downtown Baton Rouge post office one early fall morning when the slight chill in the air caused one of two guys in front of me to remark to his companion, “Nice cool weather, isn’t it?”

His buddy replied, “Yeah, it makes me want to kill a pig …”

Food for thought

Denise Savoie says, “Many public libraries have small cafes in their lobbies with interesting menu items such as:

Edgar Allen Poe Boy (Be Hungry Nevermore)

Catcher in the Ham on Rye

For Whom the Stuffed Bell Pepper Tolls

Red Beans Anne Rice

Lord of the Fries

Lord of the Onion Rings

Taming of the Stew

Of Rice and Men

Peter Pan-ini

Harper Lee-monade

Green Eggs and Hamlet

Lonesome Dove Bar

Phantom of the Okra

The Crepes of Wrath

Sir Francis Bacon Burger

And my personal favorite: Tequila Mockingbird.”

A Hitchcock moment

As if we didn’t have enough to worry about, what with worldwide turmoil, deadly diseases and LSU football, now Linda Israel tells us that HUGE, VICIOUS BIRDS ARE ATTACKING INNOCENT VICTIMS!

She says, “My daughter Chelsea lives in a wooded area and enjoys taking early morning walks when things are quiet and peaceful.

“On a recent morning, however, she suddenly felt a very heavy presence hit her head.

“Terrified, she started screaming and grabbing at her head — where she discovered that an owl had swooped down upon her.

“The following morning she decided to take an alternate route. A similar owl encounter ensued — an owl actually embedded its talons in her shirt collar.

“Chelsea now wears appropriate headgear and carries a flashlight with her when she takes her early morning walks. No further owl attacks have been noted.”

The Birds II

Mark Claesgens adds to our seminar on aggressive birds:

“My hummingbird feeder has four perches, but only one bird gets to drink. He fights off anyone else attempting to feed.

“He exhausts the energy he gains from the nectar in chasing away others. Then he returns for more food so he can resume the battle.

“This vicious cycle is sad to watch, because there’s enough ‘territory’ and nectar for all of them.

“As they fight for their claims, I wonder if they are imitating humans, or if we learned that behavior from them.”

The no-return blues

Tony Falterman, of Napoleonville, says, “The article about boiling crawfish in a small pot because the large boiling pot could not be found reminded me of the fact that I loaned my large stainless steel pot and burner to someone about 20 years ago, and I have been anxiously waiting for it to be returned.

“Perhaps your mention of this in your column will remind the BORROWER that I still own it!”

(Tony, as I recall, is a former district attorney — not the kind of person I’d ever cross.)

The eyes have it

Dr. Joe Ricapito says our discussion on how to tell if bread is fresh brought back a memory:

“I recall my mother’s test to tell if fish were fresh or not. She would look at the fish in the market, and if the eyes were bulging out, it was fresh.

“If the eyes were sunken in their sockets, it was not fresh, and she wouldn’t buy it.”

Trash and treasure

“I am amazed and disturbed,” says Jane Honeycutt, “by the number and variety of perfectly good items set out for trash pickup.

“My friends and I walk several mornings a week, and sometimes rescue a few of the items for church and nonprofit organization garage sales.

“Why can’t people donate these serviceable items (especially furniture) to Goodwill, the Salvation Army, Here Today Gone Tomorrow or St. Vincent de Paul’s thrift stores?

“There are probably other places that would love to have these discards, too.

“Please encourage your readers to recycle anything that can be used or worn by someone else!”

Special People Dept.

  • Mary Benedict, of Fordoche, celebrates her 101st birthday on Thursday, Sept. 25.
  • Thelma L. Caldwell celebrates her 98th birthday on Thursday, Sept. 25.

Business opportunity

Glenn Jones, of Prairieville, tells the story of the state trooper who had found the perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn’t getting any:

“He soon found the problem.

“There was a young boy up the road holding a hand-printed sign, ‘Speed trap ahead.’

“And down the road a bit further was his friend with a bucket half-full of money with another hand-printed sign, ‘Tips.’

“And to think we used to sell lemonade.”

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.