“My 7-year-old granddaughter, Reagan Bihm, recently made her first confession in our church,” says Kenny LeBlanc, of St. Amant:

“Since she was now sinless, I told her she was now a saint and asked her how it felt to be a saint.

“She looked at me and whined, ‘I can’t be a LSU Tiger anymore?’ ”

Best-laid plans ...

Speaking of the Tigers, Alex Chapman, of Ville Platte, says, “All of the Monday morning quarterbacks talking about what coach Les Miles could have done differently reminds me of when Mike Tyson was destroying everyone in the ring.

“Each new challenger would say, ‘I got a plan to beat Tyson.’

“They all had a plan, until they stepped into the ring.”

The littlest literalist

Jackie Schaff, of Slidell, says, “When I came home, I found my granddaughter Emma, age 4, visiting.

“I asked her, ‘When did you get here?’

“She replied, ‘June 1,’ which happens to be her birthday.

Misguided uses

Our seminar on the misuse of gadgets is so far evenly divided between those who try to change TV channels with their cellphones and those who try to open or lock car doors with theirs. In third place are folks who try to call people on their TV remotes.

Shape up, thief!

Joe L. Herring, of Baton Rouge, tells how he discovered that anyone planning a life of crime needs to get in good shape.

Joe, a wildlife biologist, was in Washington, D.C., for a migratory bird meeting when, walking down the street, he saw a slim young man, about 6 feet tall, grab a lady’s billfold out of her open shoulder purse and take off:

“She started screaming, and I started chasing the robber through the crowd. All of a sudden, between robber and me appeared this D.C. policeman, about 5 feet 8 inches tall and well built, who took out after him.

“What happened next was like a movie. The robber ran across six lanes of busy traffic, jumping on and over car hoods, with the policeman in hot pursuit doing the same. But I figured that policeman would not catch that tall, lanky guy.

“About seven or eight minutes later, here comes the D.C. policeman with the handcuffed robber. The police officer was not breathing hard, but the thief was. Goes to show what a well-trained officer can do.

“I returned to the migratory bird meeting with a good story to tell.”

Heavy lifting

Sonny Pate says two recent books about football in Louisiana: “Billy Cannon: A Long, Long Run” by Charles N. deGravelles and “Barefoot, Bloodied and Bruised” by coach Barrett Murphy, provide information about weight lifting in school athletic programs:

“It was supposed to be bad for you, and you could get kicked off the team for doing it — it would make you slow and muscle-bound.”

Sonny says in 1946, Robert Hodges, of Clinton, promoted weight lifting and body building in both schools and the community.

In Baton Rouge in the ’50s, Alvin Roy opened a health club and trained LSU and other college players:

“He then introduced it to the Istrouma High football program under the eyes of Big and Little Fuzzy Brown. Billy Cannon decided to give weight lifting a try. … I feel this was the beginning of our weight lifting programs of today.”

Special People Dept.

Dianah “JoJo” Robert celebrates her 99th birthday on Sunday.

John Roth, of Harahan, celebrates his 98th birthday on Saturday. He is a World War II veteran.

Lois Peairs, of Deerford, celebrates her 91st birthday on Friday.

Betty Kemp Bergeron celebrates her 90th birthday on Friday. She’s a longtime volunteer at Baton Rouge General and Sunday school teacher at First United Methodist.

Allen Ray Sibley, of Walker, celebrates his 90th birthday on Sunday.

Defining moments

Just for fun, Doug Johnson, of Watson, came up with this alternative meanings of words:

Alternative — born to preach

Devote — to veto

Berate — to judge as better than a C

Expirate — someone who robbed ships in the past.

The shirt says ...

Shirley Fleniken came across these T-shirt slogans:

“That’s it! I’m calling Grandma!” (Seen on an 8-year-old.)

“Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.”

“Procrastinate Now.”

“My dog can lick anyone.”

“I have a degree in liberal arts — do you want fries with that?”

“FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software.”

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.”

“Time’s fun when you’re having flies … Kermit the Frog.”

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.

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