“Happy Husband” shares with other guys his method for assuring domestic bliss:

“I must admit I have chuckled each time I have read comments concerning being ‘carded’ when purchasing alcohol.

“I should not be giving out any secrets, but figure since public service is your life, why not.

“As my wife grew older it always made her day when she would be asked for identification when we ordered cocktails.

“Once she hit her mid 30s the requests ceased, and she commented she must be looking old because she no longer was asked for her ID.

“I started making it a point about every three months when entering a restaurant to discreetly mention to my server to please card my wife when we ordered drinks.

“She is now in her mid 40s, and can’t wait to tell her friends each time she is carded.

“And you know what they say, when your wife is happy...

Meat, more or less

David Normand started quite a discussion on Facebook when he asked a simple question:

“Which do you prefer, fried Spam or fried bologna?”

You might expect that most folks would turn away from both the fatty, sodium-laden processed meat products, but a surprising number of substantial people (some of them my esteemed colleagues at The Advocate) weighed in on the subject.

While bologna seemed to be the favored fried meat, Spam got quite a few votes, including mine.

Several responders harked back to childhood days, when lean times called for cheap meat.

But others confessed to a fondness for one or the other, or both, to this day.

It was refreshing to be able to come out of the closet and admit that I once found fried Spam a suitable breakfast companion to fried eggs and biscuits.

My spouse will no doubt be appalled that I’ve gone public with this. But hey, it’s for better or worse, baby...

No bumper car

Anne Cummings says, “I’ve been reading your contributors’ comments about the gondola over the river (at the 1984 World Exposition in New Orleans) and have to add my two cents’ worth after Wednesday’s mention that the Swiss consul general wouldn’t ride it. I know why he wouldn’t!

“When my family went to the fair, my husband talked us into taking the ride over the river. We decided we would all go together, and away we went.

“We arrived safely on the Algiers side, but you had to disembark, go down a ramp and back up another ramp to ride back.

“As we started up the ramp, a bumper from a gondola fell in front of us! A young man who worked the gondola came running down, grabbed the bumper, looked at us, put his finger to his mouth and said, ‘Shush!’

“We had to get back to the other side, so we really prayed our way across!”

Skeptics wanted

Kyle DeJean says our discussion of unnecessary phrases reminds him of “one of the most under-used phrases in the American dialogue: ‘What on earth are you talking about?’

“It should be used frequently in place of the more commonly used phrases, like, ‘Uh huh,’ ‘Yeess,’ and ‘I see,’ when someone says something completely outlandish, which appears to be happening these days with alarming regularity.

“While on the subject, a saying that applies to a number of speakers these days, most notably with political overtones, is: ‘If he tells me that the sun rises in the east, I get up in the morning and go outside to see if it’s true!’”

Special People Dept.

Kathy and Jackie Melker celebrate their 66th anniversary on Thursday, March 3.

David and Barbara Dodge celebrate their 59th anniversary on Thursday, March 3.

Bob and Paula Hoover Combs celebrate their 50th anniversary on Thursday, March 3.

Thought for the Day

From Rob Payer, quoting George Carlin: “In America, anyone can be president. That’s the problem.”

Childhood humor

The mention of Prince Albert tobacco, as I expected, brought stories from the usual suspects — Alex “Sonny” Chapman, Buck Bertrand, Nobey Benoit, John LaCarna, Joan Barre — about the days of our youth when we thought it was the height of hilarity to call a grocery store (this was before caller ID) and ask the clerk, “Do you have Prince Albert in a can?”

When the clerk said they did, we would shout, “Well, you’d better let him out!” and hang up, giggling furiously.

As might be expected, the grocery people quickly caught on to this gag.

The last time I did it, the clerk responded to my question about having Prince Albert in a can with, “Yes, we do, but we let him out for a walk.”

Contacting Smiley

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.