(While on his Well-Deserved Vacation, Smiley hopes you enjoy items from old columns:)

After the fall

Steve Liuzza, of Atlanta, says, “A friend and I were at a health club, combing our hair after a morning workout.

“As usual, his conversation centered on the fact that he was rapidly going bald.

“A stranger walking past said he had found something to stop falling hair.

“My friend went after him and caught up with him in the crowded lobby.

“‘Sir,’ he said, ‘what have you found that will stop falling hair?’

“The stranger smiled and said, ‘THE FLOOR.’

“Everyone except my friend got quite a chuckle out of that.”

Hair today, gone tomorrow

J.P. Morgan adds to our seminar on baldness:

“A granddaughter was talking about her wedding with her grandmother and grandfather.

“Her grandmother told the bride of the dress she was wearing to the wedding, and said she was wearing silver gray shoes.

“The granddaughter asked why she had picked that color shoes, and her grandmother said it matched her hair color.

“With that the bride turned to her grandfather and said, ‘Then I guess you are going barefoot.’ ”

Dry wit

John Gaspard, of Birmingham, Ala., tells of the T-shirt he saw in west Texas:

“It portrayed a longhorn skull in the sand next to a cactus, with the caption, ‘Yeah, but it’s a DRY heat.’ ”

Better than bread

Irene Morris, of Kentwood, says when her son Dan was a small child he used to pray, “Give us this day our daily breath. …”

Inquiring Minds Dept.

Linda Pourciau asks, “Why does a ‘slight tax increase’ cost you $200 and a ‘substantial tax cut’ save you 30 cents?”

Opening statement

Lorraine Exner reveals her medication access problem:

“The latest bane of my existence

“Is containers with built-in resistance.

“Just hide the medicines from kids,

“And give us user-friendly lids.

“You can picture my less than saintly prose

“When things say ‘Open’ but only close.

“Each time I struggle with jar, can or bottle,

“I think of folks I’d like to throttle!”

Well-deserved beaning

If you saw Lady Katherine hit me with a wadded-up paper napkin at the Piccadilly on Sherwood Forest, here’s why:

We were discussing our visit to the Acadian Museum in Erath when I said, ‘There used to be a winery in Erath.’

“Oh, really?” she said.

“Yes,” I said. “Everybody loved the grapes of Erath.”

Contact Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com; fax (225) 388-0351; or mail: P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.