Thanks to all who have entered Smiley’s Poetry Contest, competing for the opportunity to win fame plus a po-boy and root beer.

Bo Bienvenu, of Prairieville, addresses a common problem:

“Come to Baton Rouge

“And I’ll bet you a dime,

“No matter where you’re going,

“You can’t get there on time.”

Another from Bo, with a happier slant:

“Many people in the nation

“Think life is really crappy.

“But where folks are mostly Cajun,

“We were voted the most happy.”

Doug Johnson, of Watson, deals with the growing Baton Rouge-New Orleans connection:

“Come to Baton Rouge, dude.

“This is where it’s at!

“Enjoy the Cajun food

“And listen to some Yat!”

Muriel Hutchinson, of Greenwell Springs, manages to combine an ode to Baton Rouge with a commercial:

“Baton Rouge, I am proud to say,

“Has been voted one of the happiest cities in the USA.

“So if you read this verse and have never been here

“Head to the Pastime for a po-boy and root beer.”

Starvation diet

Linda Gauthier, a retired science teacher, says the “brain-eating amoeba” found in some south Louisiana water supplies is called “Naegleria fowleria.”

She adds, “I am going to state the obvious. These microbes would die quickly from starvation in the Capitol Lake! No food source!”

Speaking of science

Scott Levet, of Baton Rouge, says, “In response to Alex ‘Sonny’ Chapman, of Ville Platte, wanting to know why the fly gets to be named a ‘fly’:

“If a fly didn’t have wings, would it be a ‘walk’?”

Target audience?

“There is an article in the Wednesday Advocate about a little boy who is fixated on Morris Bart,” says ‘Kitty Kat,’ of Prairieville.

“The little girl I baby-sit, Rosalie, is also a charter member of the Morris Bart Fan Club.

“When she was about 4 months old and sitting in her bouncy chair, she would rotate her head like Linda Blair in ‘The Exorcist’ whenever a Morris Bart commercial came on the TV.

“There was no use talking to her or trying to get her attention as long as Morris was on. She was hypnotized.

“Rosalie is now 3 years old and has since outgrown the obsession, but it was quite funny at the time.”

Step lively

Shooter Mullins recalls polo games in Baton Rouge, mentioned in the Monday column:

“Polo is a strange game. Having no innings or quarters, they have to play in seven-minute ‘chukkers.’

“At the end of each chukker the spectators would go out on the field and step on the divots that the horses had left behind.”

I recall people doing this — and being very careful not to step on anything else the ponies might have left behind...

Ask Mr. Answer Man

A reader noticed ads in the July 17 Advocate from two Baton Rouge nurseries, one offering “crape myrtle” trees and the other selling “crepe myrtles.”

“Help,” says the reader. “Which is correct?”

Mr. Answer Man says it’s crape myrtle, according to his well-worn Webster’s.

Mr. Perfect

Proud grandparent Katie Chamberlain says, “Our 13-year-old grandson, Dickson Chamberlain, pitched a perfect game at the Cooperstown, New York, Dreams Park on July 21. He is a member of the Carrollton baseball team in New Orleans. The team finished in the top third of the tournament.”

Special People Dept.

— Louise Incardona Caruso, of Mandeville, celebrates her 93rd birthday on Friday, July 31.

— Raymond and Joan Boss, of Metairie, celebrate their 60th anniversary on Friday, July 31.

— Maurice and Donna Morgan, of Bay St. Louis, Mississippi, celebrated their 60th anniversary on Thursday, July 30. New Orleans residents for many years, they moved to Bay St. Louis just before Hurricane Katrina.

Wrong inventor

Francis Celino, The Metairie Miscreant, was the first of several readers to correct a reader who said in the Wednesday column that Eli Whitney invented the steam engine:

“James Watt invented the steam engine. Good ol’ Eli invented the cotton gin. Could use a little gin myself.”

T time

The above-mentioned Francis Celino also provides our “T-shirt slogan of the day:”

“If you think you’re too small to make a difference, spend a night with a mosquito.”

Staying put

Richard Guidry, of Zachary, says, “While I was cutting grass the other day, a car stopped out front and the driver asked me, ‘Mister, can you tell me where this road goes?’

“I said, ‘Well, I have been living here 30 years and it ain’t went nowhere yet.’”

Contacting Smiley

Write Smiley at He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.