Most of my readers discuss the removal of Blue Bell ice cream from the market in the same kind of tone you’d use to talk about the death of a loved one.

But “S. Whitt” has found a silver lining to this dark cloud:

“I have lost 10 pounds since Blue Bell recalled their ice cream from our store shelves. Now all I need is for Nabisco, Keebler, Hershey, Little Debbie and Lay’s to recall their products.”

House a Texan

Donnie Webb is the latest reader to respond to my effort to find homes for refugees from Texas should the U.S. Army occupy that state, as some Texas politicians (possibly off their meds) fear. So far we’ve had offers to shelter Marcia Ball, Willie Nelson, ZZ Top, Sandra Bullock and both Bush ex-presidents. (And Marvin Borgmeyer has generously offered to house the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.)

Says Donnie, “Your willingness to take in some of those unfortunate folk made me so ashamed that I have not volunteered to do more myself.

“So I’m making my home available also. I’ll take the guy who has the secret recipe for Blue Bell ice cream.

“My wife said George Strait can move into our bedroom (I hope she’s gonna move to the guest room with me).”

Fighting words

Michael Mann says that as a minister, he feels compelled to comment on an article he saw titled “Spiritual lessons from the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight,” dealing with the recent “Pay Us In Vegas” dancing match between Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao:

“Engaging in a fight in which you never actually engage makes one look eminently foolish. If you’re afraid of getting hit, stay the heck home. If you’re going to fight, go in it to win it or just don’t show up, and save us all a lot of time and aggravation.

“And, most importantly, watching most sporting events, movies, plays or TV shows to gain ‘spiritual insight’ is a waste of time and misses the point. It’s called entertainment for a reason.

“So sit back, relax and enjoy — unless it’s a rematch of that non-contact fight. In that case go for a walk, pray, enjoy the scenery, talk to your spouse or whomever. Not only are you more likely to receive some spiritual insight, you’ll save the pay-to-view cost.”

No devil’s-food cake!

After the suggestion that church collection plates have reading devices so payments can be made on smart phones, Reggie Gremillion said, “The change I want to see is the opening of concession stands in the back of the church. A cold root beer would sure be good halfway through a long-winded sermon.”

For smart mouths

Joe F. Cannon warns, “When you ask your spouse to ‘pick up a new toothbrush for me at the drug store,’ be sure and set a dollar limit.”

He says Technology magazine has reviewed a new electric toothbrush from Oral-B that sells for $150:

“This toothbrush comes with lights up and down its sides that glow blue when you’re brushing, flash yellow when it’s time to switch to other parts of your mouth and burn red if you use too much pressure.

“The brush uses Bluetooth to connect to the Oral-B app on your smart phone, which offers oral care tips:

“‘If you have bad breath, use a mouth rinse daily.’

“‘It is not normal for gums to bleed when you brush your teeth.’

“‘Consume alcohol moderately.’”

Special People Dept.

Buck and Mitzi Grantham, of Denham Springs, celebrate 65 years of marriage on Sunday, May 17.

Jay and Verina Weaver celebrate their 59th anniversary on Sunday, May 17.

Good Guess

As Ernie Gremillion’s story points out, wine names are getting wacky:

“My nephew Mike’s favorite wine is named ‘Educated Guess.’

“Recently his young grandson Brody was in math class when the teacher asked the class if they knew what an ‘educated guess’ was.

“Brody chimed in that he knew — because his Pops and Granma drank a bottle every day.”

Heavenly address

Fernand Dionne, of Metairie, reminds us that it takes more than dying to discourage a life insurance sales force:

“A relative of mine died three years ago, and one insurance company keeps sending him information to buy life insurance.

“The first time, I threw the letter in the garbage.

“The second time I replied that the relative was dead (the postage was paid by the insurance company).

“The third time I replied that he was dead, and asked them to please update their mailing list.

“I received another offer this week. I wrote on the form: ‘Too late, deceased, PLEASE update your mailing list.’

“On the return address space I wrote the name of my relative with the name of the cemetery where he is buried, and the ZIP code 00000 (the ZIP code of heaven).”

Contact Smiley

Write Smiley at He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.