While on his Well-Deserved Vacation, Smiley left behind items from past columns:

Have a ball

John Heck, of Houston, says when daughter Sarah was small, she noticed some mothballs spilling out of a neighbor’s trash and said, “Look, Mom, sweater medicine.”

Southern exposure

Ronald Herzinger, of Morgan City, asks about our headline on a story about women who sued over a video showing them shedding clothes at Mardi Gras festivities.

The headline was “Women ‘Gone Wild’ drop suit over video.”

Ronald asks, “Isn’t that sort of how that whole thing got started?”

You’ll never play alone

LaNell says her son used her computer to check his mail, then started playing solitaire.

She walked up behind him and said, “Son, you missed that red seven on that black eight.”

He turned around and said:

“Mother, if you ever go camping down in the swamp by yourself, be sure to take a deck of cards with you.

“That way, if you get lost, just sit down and start playing solitaire.

“Someone is BOUND to come up behind you and say, ‘You missed that red seven on that black eight.’”

Transportation problem

Trooper Charlie tells of the preacher who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation, “I have good news and bad news.

“The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program.

“The bad news is, it’s still out there in your pockets.”

The chocolate cure

Bruce Edwards says a friend’s 4-year-old daughter was outside playing with friends when one of the little girls was stung by a wasp.

A call to 911 got the mother in touch with a nurse who gave her instructions for treating the sting.

Says Bruce, “Once the crying stopped, my friend, concerned about swelling and breathing problems associated with stings, asked the little girl if she could breathe all right. She said she was OK.

“However, after a few seconds of reflection, the little patient said, ‘You know, I think I could breathe a little better if I had two Oreos.’”

More body to shape

Lydia Pourciau says this was an actual ad, but not in our paper: “Open house: Body Shapers toning salon — free coffee and doughnuts.”

Cajun theology

Steve Babin says in church they read in Acts that Peter, while hungry, fell asleep and had a vision involving all kinds of birds and beasts.

Says Steve, “If Peter’s last name was Boudreaux or Babin, he might interpret this dream as, ‘Honey, God just told me to make some gumbo.’”

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.