This tale by Patricia Alba, of Metairie, illustrates the different accents in north and south Louisiana:

“When my father, a New Orleanian, and my mother, from north Louisiana, were engaged, Dad spoke often and fondly about his Uncle August from White Castle.

“After their wedding, Mom was sending thank-you notes for the gifts, and on one wrote ‘Dear Uncle O’Goose...’”

Coming up short

Joel Thibodeaux says, “Recently we wanted to eat some waffles, but we were too lazy to go in the kitchen and make them.

“So I called a local eatery and asked, ‘How much for a to-go order of waffles?’

“The young lady said, ‘They are $2.69 for a stack.’

“I thought maybe my husband and I could share a stack of waffles, so I asked, ‘How many waffles are in a stack?’

“She sounded annoyed, and answered, ‘One! It’s $2.69 per waffle!’

“Smiley, that’s what I call a ‘short stack!’ ”

Slow on the draw

After Carencro Curmudgeon Dan Burkhalter told of a friend who developed a “reach impediment” when the bill for lunch came around, I heard from Generic Cajun Carrol Jordan with this variation:

“Back in the Cold War days, this condition was called a ‘shell-out falter.’ ”

Career opportunity

Doug Johnson, of Watson, is considering the life of a thespian:

“Reading about and seeing TV ads about egg peelers, egg breakers, vegetable choppers and other products that help us do such very difficult tasks without making a mess or getting hurt, gave me an idea.

“The older I get, the more I realize that I would be perfect for the role of stepping in a bucket of paint, ripping a bumper off while parallel parking and all those other silly goofs we see on TV.”

Oh brother!

Val Garon offers another radio story:

“When I was a sophomore at St. Edward’s University in Austin, Texas, I held an amateur radio license as W5YYJ. My brother Henry at the time was W5LCA in Donaldsonville. We would communicate by Morse code.

“Imagine my surprise when he informed me in code, ‘The president of the United States sends you greetings. You are hereby ordered to report to your local draft board for induction into the military.’

“I had been drafted for the Korean war!”

Grain of truth

“My 8-year-old grandson is a rice connoisseur,” says Linda Dalferes. “The last time I made rice for him, he took one bite and quietly said, ‘Mimi, next time could you do the rice better?’

“Then when Pawpaw brought some rice to Houma for him to eat, he asked, ‘Is this Baton Rouge rice?’”

Nice People Dept.

L.C. Epps, of Zachary, tells of a random act of kindness:

“I was in the Cracker Barrel restaurant in Gonzales when a nice lady paid for my meal.

“I was in such a state of shock I didn’t get her name.

“I don’t know if she gets your paper, but I hope she sees herself in it.”

Historic ships

Carl Spillman says, “I noticed in your column that a Mr. Ralph Wilder celebrated his 94th birthday, and that he served on the aircraft carrier USS Yorktown during World War II.

“The first Yorktown was sunk during the Battle of Midway. The second earned 11 battle stars, plus a Presidential Unit Citation during the remainder of World War II.

“The state and country can be very proud of him.”

Special People Dept.

Lillie Mae Sheets, of St. Amant, now at Azalea Assisted Living in Gonzales, celebrated her 100th birthday on Monday, Jan. 12. She worked 37 years in the St. Amant School lunchroom.

Roy Wonsch celebrates his 97th birthday on Tuesday, Jan. 13. He is a World War II veteran.

William R. “Bo” Neyland, of St. James Wellness Center in Baton Rouge, celebrated his 97th birthday on Sunday, Jan. 11.

Frank and Jackie O’Quinn celebrated their 63rd anniversary on Saturday, Jan. 10.

Audrey and T. Charles Daigle, of Paincourtville, celebrated their 62nd anniversary on Saturday, Jan. 10.

Thought for the Day

From LCB: “If all the lawyers in the U.S. sued for the large sums of money the Baton Rouge lawyers say they do on TV, and GOT those large amounts, the insurance companies must be about out of money.”

Paid holiday?

Joan Davis says, “My dear friend picked up my granddaughter (first grade) from school, and she got in the car all excited:

“‘Guess what? They said they paid Martin King’s bills so we can have a holiday!’

“My friend Adelaide said, ‘No, sweetie, they passed a bill to have a holiday.’

“Big sigh from granddaughter, and she said, ‘Oh well, we still don’t have school, do we?’ ”

Talk to Smiley

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.