Jerry Freedman says, “Given the current woes of the Tigers and Saints, shouldn’t we re-title the Advocate Sports section ‘The Autopsy Report’?”

Reverse order

LaNell Hilborn says a lady at an auction Saturday night told this story about her daughter’s wedding earlier in the week:

“The couple planned a small church wedding with just families and close friends invited, and a small dinner afterward.

“The night of the wedding came, but no pastor.

“After a half-hour they started trying to call him. They finally found him — he had forgotten about the wedding.

“He said it would take him 30 or 45 minutes to get there.

“So they decided to turn everything around. They had their dinner, and everyone was dancing when the pastor got to the church to marry the young couple.”

Stadium smugglers

Carl Spillman says, “Robby Zeringue mentioned the days when men wore suits and the ladies were dressed to the hilt for LSU games.

“One other requirement for the ladies was a very big purse …”

The hole truth

David Lorfing, of Zachary, says, “My wife and I recently went to see the movie ‘Interstellar’ at the Mall of Louisiana.

“During the movie, the astronauts are able to travel great distances in very short periods of time through ‘worm holes.’

“After the movie, we drove down Siegen Lane between I-10 and Airline Highway.

“While sitting through multiple light cycles at Airline, I commented that we were in one of Baton Rouge’s ‘snail holes.’ By using snail holes you are able to travel short distances in great periods of time.”

Ultimate weapon

Ronnie Stutes says, “CNN has evidently discovered a new instrument of terrorism.

“Wolf Blitzer reported on the results of the investigation of the ‘wife-wielding’ intruder into the White House. (He did correct himself.)”

The pits

In our Helpful Household Hints Dept., Patsy Miller, of Scott, offers this unique underarm deodorant suggestion:

“Try a dab of milk of magnesia, rubbed in until dry. No more expensive deodorants.”

Fight to the finish

Karen and Buddy Poirrier, of Lutcher, say, “We are proud of our daughter, Rae Lynne Kinler, M.D., for completing the New York City Marathon on behalf of her cousin, Lt. Col. Joseph A. Lucia III, who died as a result of multiple myeloma.

“Rae Lynne said her legs began to cramp toward the end of the race, but then she looked ahead, saw the finish line, and knew that she’d finish her first marathon if she had to crawl on her hands and knees.”

Worthy causes

Gordon Barney says poinsettias sold by the Lakeshore Lions Club benefit the Lions Camp for disabled children, the Lions Eye Foundation and local charities.

Red or white plants in several sizes willbe delivered the week after Thanksgiving. Call (225) 766-4480, (225) 229-3638 or email gbassoc@bellsouth.net.

Nice People Dept.

Diane Brown says she was concerned about her three cats having a comfy, warm place to sleep during our chilly spell.

She thanks Frank at Best Buy Flooring for letting her have some old carpet samples for her pets to snuggle on.

Sharp answer

Indy says the reader seeking a scissors sharpener can drive to Gonzales to get it done:

“We at Marchand’s Interior & Hardware would gladly sharpen her first pair of scissors.

“We have a demo sharpener to show how easily it’s done.

“Of course, we would gladly sell her one if she liked it!

“And yes, Smiley, my boss approves this message.”

Special People Dept.

—— Diana (Mrs. JoJo) Robert, of Gonzales, celebrated her 98th birthday on Saturday, Nov. 15.

— Rudolph and Doris Boullion, of Baker, celebrate their 65th anniversary on Tuesday, Nov. 18.

— Verne and Luna Pearson, of Walker, celebrated their 63rd anniversary on Sunday, Nov. 16.

— On Tuesday, Nov. 18, Joyce and Albert Laiche Sr., of Paulina, celebrate their 53rd anniversary.

The non-cook

Keith Horcasitas says he came across the late Fran Spain’s “15 Minutes or Forget It” cookbook, which brought back fond memories of the great Baton Rouge humorist:

“The book has the following dedication to her children:

“‘This project will come as a tremendous shock to my children, who grew up being fed by a mother who thought a hot meal was peanut butter on toast!’”

What’s up, Doc?

Eddie Fousch, of Kenner, adds to our seminar on robo-calls:

“Thursday the phone rang at my house. I answered and the recording stated, ‘This is Dr. Cassidy …’

“I interrupted and said, ‘Dr. Cassidy, I didn’t know you made house calls.’

“I then ended the call.”

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.