Dear Smiley: Our daughter Susan Wallace was asked by her 8-year-old son Stewart if she could talk to anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?

Susan replied, “Barbara Walters because she has interviewed all the famous people.”

Stewart said Barbara Walters hadn’t interviewed everyone because she hadn’t interviewed his “Nanny” Dawn from Denham Springs.

Dawn founded Mighty Moms, a nonprofit organization that helps feed hungry children.

This grandmother thinks he’s pretty smart in deciding who is famous.



Tipping point

Dear Smiley: I have a theory about the traffic crisis in Baton Rouge.

On some unknown future day, one of our automobile dealerships will make a sale to a Baton Rouge resident.

As this lone vehicle rolls from the dealer onto our traffic grid, the result will be an intractable, jumbled aggregate of steel, chrome and rubber.

For Baton Rouge streets, this single additional car, SUV or truck will tip the balance from creeping motion to absolute paralysis.

Science fiction? Perhaps.


Baton Rouge

Cracking the dress code

Dear Smiley: In 1974, when my daughter Fran Meador was a senior at LSU, she rode her bike several days a week from the sorority house to a part-time job in the Dean of Women’s Office.

One morning, she wore a new pantsuit my mother made for her — the top could be worn as a mini skirt, the style then.

When she arrived wearing the long pants and top, the dean told her she could not wear the pants on campus; to go and change her outfit.

She went into the restroom, removed her pants to the suit, and returned to the office in the top to the suit, now a mini skirt.

Being tall (5 feet, 10 inches) with her long legs exposed, the dean told her to go and put the pants back on, which she did.

She was elected to the homecoming court that year, and the outfit she wore is now housed in the LSU Textile Museum — hot pants, worn with leggings and high-top boots.

My, how the styles change.


Baton Rouge

Remote revolt

Dear Smiley: One Sunday morning after Mass, I went to the parking lot, where I thought I had parked my white car, and proceeded to click away with the remote.

Well, the door didn’t open; tried the trunk, no success; finally the gas tank cover, nothing.

I was thinking, “Maybe my battery is dead.”

While I was standing there bewildered, a parishioner passed by and said, “Ma’am, can I help you?”

“Oh yes,” I said, “I can’t get in my car.”

He said, “Well, there is a white car that looks just like yours, parked one lane over, and the trunk is opening, the lights are going off and on, and the gas tank cover is flopping open.”

Right remote, wrong car.



Inflation blues

Dear Smiley: Remember the ten-cent stores and the five-and-dimes?

They have been replaced with “Everything’s a Dollar” and “Dollar Tree.”

With the rate of inflation we now have, I wonder what the next level will be — maybe “Everything’s a Fiver” or “Sawbucks Tree?”



He’s no squealer!

Dear Smiley: Years ago, when several cases of tuberculosis were reported in the parish, my grandfather, active and in good health at age 90, reluctantly agreed to be tested for the disease.

After the doctor assured him that the X-ray was negative, he asked, “But, Mr. Gladney, when were you shot in the chest? Several ribs are pitted with what looks like buckshot!”

My granddad hesitated, then exclaimed, “All right! When I was 13, my brother and I were hunting and he accidently shot me. I promised I wouldn’t tell, and I didn’t — until now!”



Wearable insults

Dear Smiley: Re: T-shirt slogans, I’m assuming Lady Katherine has one of the popular shirts with an arrow pointing to one side and the words “I’m With Stupid!”

If not, let me know and I’ll steal the one Mary wears and send it to her.

I’ll just be returning the favor for the one you passed on to me — you know, the one that says “Geezer. Formerly Stud Muffin.”



Write Smiley at He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.