Mike Gauthier, of Thibodaux, says, “We recently invited our 8-year-old granddaughter to a meal at a local upscale restaurant. Wide-eyed and full of questions, she was taking in all the niceties of the surroundings and was duly impressed.

“As the wine steward poured a small amount of wine into my glass for the customary checking of the bouquet and taste, she instructed him: ‘That is not enough, sir. Pop always drinks a lot more than that.’

“The wine steward decided she deserved a free dessert for that sage advice.”

Semi-foreign language

“I can relate to being confused by the South Carrollton area of New Orleans’ lingo,” says Bob Veitinger, of Franklin, referring to an item in the Thursday column.

“In the 1950s my parents moved to a far-off place called ‘Metry’ — took me quite some time to figure out where we lived.

“By the way, be sure to use the ‘turlet’ before leaving home!”

No distractions

“My son is teaching his friend to drive,” says Faye Hoffman Talbot, of Jackson. “She is from Paris, so her family uses public transportation; they don’t own a car.

“He called the other day, and the whole time we were talking he was saying, ‘Slow down; get in your left lane; turn left...’

“I finally said, ‘What is going on?’ He said, ‘Laura is driving.’

“Since I knew she was right there, I told him to ask her what kind of Easter candy she wanted in her basket.

“He said, ‘OK.’ After that response I said, ‘Can’t you just ask her now?’

“He said, ‘NO. She is driving.’

“This is one young lady we don’t have to worry about putting on makeup or texting while driving for a while.”

Freeze those signs

Pierre Hjartberg, of New Orleans, says, “I have been on the road quite a bit lately. Mostly to Texas and back.

“And every time I come to a bridge or overpass I am reminded that there is a very simple way for us to substantially reduce our federal deficit or, perhaps, get rid of it totally.

“Make it a federal law that anyone obtaining a driver’s license will be alerted to the fact that all bridges and overpasses will freeze and/or ice prior to the road that they occupy.

“Then simply take the signs that read ‘Bridge will ice prior to road’ and convert the steel and aluminum into cash, which will make a serious if not total depletion of our federal deficit.

“Certainly we would have enough steel and aluminum for federal defense construction needs for next 300 years. Add to that the profit from the recycling of the present signs and we might soon be debt free.

“Just a thought. And if it works I am not asking for monetary contribution — but a picture of me on all of the signs yet to come down would be a thoughtful gesture.”

The Gravy Belt

Nel Joyner adds to our seminar on gravy steaks:

“We moved to New Iberia from Tallulah in 1985 for work after our marriage, and things were very different.

“I recall going to Simoneaux Grocery and seeing bone-in seven steaks and asking, ‘What cut is that? How do you prepare it?’

“I should have known you put it in gravy!”

Happy returns

Dot Thibodeaux, of Baton Rouge, offers “a great big thank-you to the lady in Glen Oaks who found my notebook in a grocery cart at the Cortana Walmart.

“The notebook contained my ‘daily life,’ so to speak. She tracked me down and returned it intact. We need more people like her.”

Worthy causes

Our Lady of the Lake Children’s Hospital benefits from the ninth annual Chili Cook-Off, “Chili for Children,” at LSU on Saturday and Sunday, March 14-15, from 10:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. It’s sponsored by Knights of Columbus, Audubon Kiwanis, Catholic Radio 1380 AM and 4theKids. Visit www.louisianachilicookoff.com.

Special People Dept.

Ray A. Louviere Sr., of Jeanerette, celebrated his 92nd birthday, on Monday, March 9. He is a Navy veteran of World War II.

Hattie Mae Hahn, of New Orleans, celebrates her 90th birthday on Friday, March 13.

Theresa Herrington celebrates her 90th birthday on Saturday, March 14. She is a “pink lady” at Lane Regional Medical Center’s nursing home in Zachary, driving there once a week to “help feed the old folks.”

Juanita and Wiley Williams, of Baton Rouge, celebrate 50 years of marriage on Friday, March 13.

Beware the wolf!

“My daughter was building a new home and was living in an old wooden frame house awaiting the completion of their new home,” says S. Robinson, of Denham Springs.

“Their 4-year-old son Brett complained tirelessly about the old house.

“One morning on the way to pre-school, Brett started criticizing the old house again.

“My daughter, having had enough, said, ‘Brett, as long as we are all together...’

“Brett interrupted in a loud voice, ‘Mom! Haven’t you ever heard of The Three Little Pigs?’”

Contact Smiley

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.