Smiley is still on his Well-Deserved Vacation, but he left these droll tales as a modest Christmas gift for his readers.

Very modest ...

Thought for the Day

From Len Hodges, of Holden: “No matter how serious life requires you to be, everybody needs a friend to act goofy with.”

Dangerous talk

Jean and Jess got this one from their friends Des and Virginia, “two ‘by proxy’ Florida Cajuns”:

“The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

“On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks then the British or Americans.

“Conclusion: Eat what you like. It’s speaking English that kills you.”

Thought for the Day

From Lydia Pourciau: “It’s called ‘take home pay’ because you can’t afford to go anywhere else with it.”

Sign language

Shirley Fleniken reports this sign at a propane gas filling station: “Tank heaven for little grills.”

Temporary attitude

Maurice Lasserre of the Cajun French Music Association says this happened at a recent dance class for second- and third-graders:

Dance instructor Bonnie Dugas overheard a young man warn the young lady who was his dance partner, “Don’t touch me until you have to!”

Risky business

Harriet St. Amant tells of the tourist who got out of his car in downtown Washington, D.C., and said to a man standing near the curb, “Would you watch my car while I go in the store?”

“What?” the man huffed. “Do you realize I am a member of the U.S. Senate?”

“No, I didn’t realize that,” the tourist said. “But I’m in a hurry, so I guess I’ll have to trust you anyway.”

Ignorance is bliss

Michael Doyle says his friend Paul Allen was taking his grandson Steven to school one day when Paul pointed out several Brahman cows and calves in a pasture.

His grandson asked what cows were black and white, and Paul answered that those were Holsteins and they produced milk.

Brahman cows, he added, were used for beef and hamburgers.

Steven immediately asked, “Do the Brahman cows KNOW that?”

Write Smiley at He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.