Fernand Dionne, of Metairie, makes a good case for requiring intelligence tests before issuing driver’s licenses:

“It is a good thing that stupidity does not kill, because there will be a lot of dead bodies around.

“On my way to work this morning I saw a guy driving his pickup truck at least 25 miles above the speed limit and shaving with his electric razor.

“So, shaving and driving should be added to the list of possible infractions.”

Two things come to mind here:

1. It was probably just as well the guy was speeding, Fernand, so he could be well ahead of you in case he crashed.

2. It could have been worse — at least he was using an electric razor rather than a blade.

Explosive event

Tim Palmer, of Lafayette, says, “It wasn’t until someone (in the Monday column) mentioned the song about the dead (I presume) possum on the road that I remembered buying a can of ‘Sun-Dried Tennessee Possum’ when I lived in Tennessee.

“On the can it states, ‘Contents: Pure Possum killed by a Yankee driving a red Saturn with Tennessee license plates on Highway 31, near Franklin, TN. GUARANTEED SUN CURED FOR ONE DAY.’

“It also states, ‘Serving Suggestion: Serve on crackers. Goes best with sweet potatoes, R.C. Cola and a Moon Pie.’

“The can also states that it is a joke, and don’t even think of eating it.

“I bought it in the early-to-mid-1990s, and I had it sitting on the shelf of the credenza in my office for many years.

“I came in one morning about 3 years ago, and there was some kind of unrecognizable ‘stuff’ all over my desk.

“I finally traced it back to the can of sun-dried possum.

“It had exploded.

“I still don’t know what was actually in the can, but it doesn’t stink.”

Hanging around

Felix Sagona, of Baton Rouge, offers this final thought on our long-running marsupial seminar:

“I have enjoyed reading the opossum stories, but no one has mentioned how smart an opossum is.

“They sleep in a tree upside down, clinging to the bottom of a branch, hanging from their tails and grasping with their paws.

“Dogs can’t reach them, and birds can’t peck their eyes out.”

About that problem...

Chapman Morgan, of Santa Maria, California, agrees with Lisa Bezet, who took on the “no problem” response in our Monday column:

“When I’m told ‘No problem’ instead of ‘You’re welcome,’ I respond with, ‘I’m glad to hear that.’

“And they say, ‘Glad to hear what?’

“And I look them right in the eye and say, ‘I’m so happy that there is no problem.’”

The other side

“I love the notes about caring gestures made by strangers, but there is another side,” says Pat Morgan.

“My daughter-in-law fell at Baton Rouge’s City Park Sunday afternoon while holding her 7-month-old and holding the hand of her 4-year-old.

“She managed to turn so the baby was only bumped a bit, but she sprained her arm badly and cut her knee.

“While she sat on the sidewalk with two little ones crying, people walked around her.

“No one even asked if she was OK.

“I don’t think Baton Rouge did itself proud.

“Maybe this note could be a wake-up call to be a little more aware of those around us.”

Special People Dept.

Harry and Mary Ann Stafford, of Prairieville, celebrate their 69th anniversary on Tuesday, June 7.

Edmund “Bud” and Charlotte Jenkins, of Slidell, celebrated their 63rd anniversary on Monday, June 6.

Hilda LeSage Dauzat and Harold Dauzat Sr. celebrate their 58th anniversary on Tuesday, June 7.

It’s the law

Patrick Hughes has come up with some “Laws of Inevitability” that may ring a bell.

Here are a few of them:

— “Commodes, air conditioners and heaters usually break on Friday night before a long weekend.

— “The car that has the tools, jump starter and air compressor in the trunk will never break down. The other one will.

— “No matter how deep in the forest or the desert the intersection is, there will always be another vehicle there when you arrive.

— “The newspaper is always delivered early, except on the morning when you have to leave early.

— “Any mail marked ‘IMPORTANT’ never is.”

Mixed messages

Jackie Schaff, of Slidell, says, “I was telling my grandchildren — Hunter, age 9, and Emma, age 5 — about the Garden of Eden.

“I asked the question, ‘Who ate the apple?’

“Miss Emma, without any hesitation, said, ‘Snow White.’”

Contacting Smiley

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.

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