As a certified Old Person, I’m continually amazed at the technological advances of our age.

I marvel at the devices shown on TV commercials that allow you to turn the lights in your home on or off no matter where you are, activate home security systems, monitor rooms in the house, etc.

So the app I’m proposing should be within the capabilities of our technical people.

Here’s how it would work:

When you vote early, as Lady Katherine and I did Saturday, the second your vote is registered the app would eliminate any candidates’ commercials and “super PAC” attack ads from the television sets in your home; bar any robocalls or even phone calls from real humans touting a candidate or tearing down an opponent, and activate a neon sign on your front door (available from Best Buy for $29.95) that says “Already voted; don’t waste your time here.”

I maintain that if this was implemented we would see a dramatic rise in early voting.

No need to thank me — public service is my life...

Opening act

Speaking of remote devices, Charlene Guy says our Saturday story of Kerry Palmer’s wife pressing the “more” link on the printed page “reminded me of the time I walked up to our back door pressing the remote entry to my car to get into our home!

“Come on now, are there others willing to confess to a good laugh on themselves?”

OK, I’ll start the ball rolling: I have walked up to our garage door with my keys in hand, and instead of using the key to unlock the door have pressed the remote key for my car and waited, puzzled, for the garage door to open.

I have done this more than once — I’d estimate about 36 times, roughly...

There’s MY confession; where’s yours?

Inside job

Pat Alba, of Metairie, says, “At LSU in the ’50s I worked part-time in the bursar’s office (for 50 cents an hour).

“On many occasions when another student asked about my job, I replied, ‘No, I don’t have access to the safe where they store the diplomas.’”

Grin and bare it

A campus memory from Susan Hodges: “I was at LSU in 1962-66, when women were not allowed to wear pants on campus. Men could not wear shorts in the library.

“I returned to work at the LSU Law School in 1972, during the streaking faze. I recall writing to some of the folks I graduated with, saying that we could not wear pants on campus — and now the students are running naked in the Union.”

Another view

After I mentioned in the Monday column the infamous 1968 “Heidi game,” in which the dramatic finish of an NFL game wasn’t shown because it was time for the TV movie “Heidi,” I heard this “other side of the story” from Sarah Stravinska, of Chestnut:

“While thousands of football fans were tearing their hair, gnashing their teeth and rending their garments, my children were happily lined up in front of the TV, watching Heidi. Just sayin’...”

Speaking of missed games

A reader says he’s among the Baton Rouge area TV viewers who missed the broadcast of the dramatic Saints-Giants game due to a technical glitch. He would love to have a recording of the game to watch. If you can help, he’s at

Oddly, nobody has yet requested a recording of the Saints-Titans game — or the LSU-Alabama game, for that matter...

Flowers for Christmas

I don’t always mention poinsettia sales, but when I do I tell of the Lakeshore Lions Club’s annual sale for my LSU buddy Gordon Barney. The plants, in a variety of sizes and prices, start arriving the week after Thanksgiving. They can be picked up at 720 Castle Kirk Drive, or they can be delivered. Profits go to the Lions camp for disabled children, Lions Eye Foundation and other projects. You can reach Gordon at (225) 766-4480, (225) 229-3638 or

Special People Dept.

On Saturday, Nov. 7, Pricilla Godchaux, of Gonzales Health Care, celebrated her 99th birthday.

Ruth Magette celebrates her 98th birthday on Tuesday, Nov. 10.

Anaise M. Guilbeau, of Carencro, a World War II veteran, celebrates her 97th birthday on Tuesday, Nov. 10.

Zola M. Roberson celebrates her 95th birthday on Tuesday, Nov. 10.

Florentine Lemoine, of Amber Terrace Assisted Living, Baton Rouge, celebrates her 92nd birthday on Tuesday, Nov. 10.

Automotive eyesore

“Re: your readers’ comment about eye exams,” says Dudley Lehew, “my stepson, Jayson Grammar of Marrero, volunteered to sell my 14-year-old truck for me. His assessment: ‘The only thing you need is a new cataratic converter.’”

Ode to shrinkage

Harriet St. Amant shares this one making the rounds on the Internet: “Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?”

Contacting Smiley

Write Smiley at He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.