With Valentine’s Day upon us, as a public service to guys, I’m offering some tales of gifts you may want to think twice about before presenting them to the lady in your life:

“Fran Wiselady,” of Metairie, says, “My husband was a practical man when it came to giving presents.

“Once, for Valentine’s Day, he gave me a travel iron. I wasn’t too graceful in my appreciation, since I never iron anyway.

“He learned something from this, and the next year, he gave me a rose bush.

“I won’t mention other crazy presents at this time.”

Peggy Hodge, of Pride, says, “My daddy was a tractor salesman who traveled a lot.

“My mother had just had all her teeth pulled when he came home with a box of Baby Ruth candy bars for her Valentine’s Day present.

“She was in the kitchen, and she said she broke a few plates she was so mad.

“They were married for 58½ years; they were very much in love!”

Nice People Dept.

Annette Gansar says she was sitting in her car in front of a florist shop when two women came out of the store. One was holding six long-stem yellow roses:

“I rolled down my window and jokingly said, ‘My birthday was last week’ (which was true).

“The woman looked at me like I was from outer space and, with a straight face, said ‘happy birthday’ as she got in her car.

“Next thing I knew, she was out of her car and at my car door — handing me two of the roses!

“Again she said ‘happy birthday,’ and this time, it was with a big smile!

“I was totally shocked! She certainly gave me a memory for my 81st that I will be repeating for a long time!”

Fun for a cause

Friends of the Capitol Park Museum benefits from a Spanish Town Parade party from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Saturday . For $25 ($10 for students), you can view the parade and enjoy food and drinks, including Lucky Dogs. Kids get in free. Contact stp-party2015.event brite.com.

Worthy causes

Walk-On’s Bistreaux & Bar on Burbank in Baton Rouge hosts an all-day “Brew for Drew” fundraiser on Friday for Drew Moscona, who was born in July with severe lung and heart conditions that have required multiple surgeries.

One dollar for every draft beer sold will be donated to “Team Drew Moscona.”

Special People Dept.

  • Ruby Casemore celebrates her 99th birthday on Friday .
  • Lucille Gendron celebrates her 98th birthday on Monday .

    Lillian Templet Bouchereau celebrates her 97th birthday on Monday . Her brother, Odon “Ki Ki” Templet, celebrates his 94th birthday on Monday .

    Louise Bergeron celebrates her 93rd birthday on Sunday at her new home on Gray’s Creek Bay in Port Vincent.

    Zenola and the Rev. Alvin Hall, of Ethel, celebrate 69 years of marriage on Sunday .

    Lionel and Sadie Templet, of Plaquemine, celebrate 66 years of marriage on Friday .

    Ulysse and Annie M. Stephens celebrate their 58th anniversary on Saturday .

    Cedric and Theresa Vickers celebrate their 57th anniversary on Sunday .

Stimulating simulation

Pat Alba, of Metairie, says our mention of the tourist in Turkey who saw a “Genuine Fake Watches” sign “reminds me of a magazine ad in the U.S. in the ’50s: ‘Genuine Simulated Diamond Rings — $19.95.’ ”

Tall tale

Berlin Hood, of Kingston, Tennessee, adds to our collection of wedding stories:

“In 1950, I graduated from Southeastern and moved to Houma to begin my ‘work life.’

“Four or five months after I got settled in, I knew just a couple of folks other than those I worked with.

“At the time, I was 6 feet, 4 inches and weighed in at 178 pounds (oh, for those days 65 years ago!).

“I answered a knock on my door, and this lady, not looking embarrassed, said, ‘I would like to ask you to do us a favor.’

“She told me her daughter was getting married and her maid of honor was 6 feet tall, so would I serve as best man? They did not want to embarrass her by pairing her with a short guy.

“I was stunned but continued to talk to the lady and ended up agreeing to be the ‘best man.’

“I met the groom, who had no problem with it.

“In my 87 years, I attended many weddings — but as fun weddings go, I have to give it a 10.”

Dead reckoning

My Advocate colleague Sheldon Mickles, the sportswriter, told me why he thinks he needs to have his eyes checked.

The other day, he was alarmed to get an email urging him to sign up for an autopsy.

On closer examination, he saw that he was being asked to sign up for “autopay.”

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.