Donnie Webb comments on my suggestions about what to do with Louisiana now that it no longer has a functioning legislature:

"The idea of New Orleans belonging to a Caribbean country is great. Now for the rest of the state:

"Adoption. Yep, adoption. We ask another state to adopt us.

"We market ourselves to states like Montana, who needs some flat land; Rhode Island, who just needs land, etc.

"We get some cute, funny people to do ads telling all the great things about our state — food, sports, and just flat-out good people.

"We can't market to Texas, Arkansas, or Mississippi — they know about our warts and all the crazy tattoos. We can't market to California — too many moonbeams. New York — they are worse than we are. Colorado — they are too zonked out to even take care of themselves."

As for our legislators, he says, "They will be meeting for the next bunches of years; they won't even know we're gone. Hurry and get us before they mess us up more.

"Did I say we can cook very good?"

Sister cities

The Monday suggestion that New Orleans align itself with Port-au-Prince, Haiti, due to similar interests (French influence, voodoo, etc.) reminds me of a guide to New Orleans I wrote in 2008 when I co-chaired a conference of the National Association of Newspaper Columnists.

I told visitors to the city:

"Don't wear anything dark while having beignets at Cafe du Monde…Walking around covered in sugar makes you look like a tourist, and attracts annoying ants and flies."

"Don't wear your conference badge in the French Quarter. It screams, 'I'm here from Iowa and I want you to send me back to the farm without any money.'"

"Lucky Dogs…are not to be consumed before 2 a.m. and at no time while sober. They can be lethal."

"The Hurricanes at Pat O'Brien's are the Official Tourist Drink of New Orleans…delicious fruit juices and an ungodly amount of rum. They can also be lethal…"

And this:

"Once the New Orleans power structure dreamed of it becoming Atlanta, Dallas, Houston. But instead it became Naples, Marseille, Port-au-Prince…a seaport with some rough edges but a variety of delights."

Educational experience

Anonymous sends out "a BIG shout-out to the sheriff's deputy who pulled my granddaughter over for going 96 in a 70 mph zone.

"Thanks for doing your job and saving lives. She is now in intensive rehab."

Speaking of violations

Les Fogleman, of Ponchatoula, tells this story:

"Here I was on U.S. 51 just before the hospital in Hammond.

"An ambulance behind me is racing to the hospital, so we all move over to allow plenty of room.

"He is being followed by a van and a brown SUV. They are are going fast.

"The ambulance and van turn in to the hospital. The SUV goes on toward Ponchatoula.

"Now I have seen it all."

(Unfortunately, Les, I've seen it all too often…)

Special People Dept.

  • Arthur Eleon Lamm, of Baton Rouge, will be 90 on Monday, June 18, but celebrates the event on Saturday, June 16, at Parkview Baptist Church's Mission Cafe from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. He is a U.S. Army veteran.  
  • John J. and Diann Marchese, of Kenner, celebrate 56 years of marriage on Sunday, June 17.
  • Art and Mary Ordoyne, of Denham Springs, celebrate their 55th anniversary on Friday, June 15.
  • Michael "Dale" and Linda Riché celebrate their 50th anniversary on Friday, June 15.
  • Pete and Judy Hamilton Yuslum celebrate their 50th anniversary on Friday, June 15th.

Father knows best

Jim Wild, of Metairie, says Father's Day reminds him of the advice his dad, Oscar, gave him when Jim was 11 and struck his younger sister:

"He said, 'Son, you need to remember this the rest of your life. When it comes to women, you never hit them and you never go in their purse. Either way, you're going to lose.'

"After diligently following this advice for 55 years, I'm sure I have been spared untold grief and problems."

Louisiana Haiku

Kids on vacation

Swim, play ball, or just hang out

Adults watch and weep      

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821. Follow Smiley Anders on Twitter, @SmileyAndersAdv.