Smiley is on vacation.

Death and football

We get some strange calls.

Switchboard operator Jane Johnson (now retired) says a caller asked the date and time of the Super Bowl, a normal request.

But Jane was taken aback when, after she gave him the information, he said, “Thanks, we’re planning a funeral.”

Just the facts, please

Shirley Harding noticed some editorial comment in our news columns. She agrees with the sentiment, but was surprised to find us expressing it.

The headline said, “Casino board members, Harrah’s Jazz Co. officials butt heads.”

We’re all glad, Patrick

Pam Landry’s class at Donaldsonville Elementary made birthday cards for Pam’s mom, Inez Landry.

Patrick made a pretty one with a pink flower and “Happy Birthday Miss Nez” on it.

The message inside was: “I am glad you can live to see your birthday. …”

Bathroom humor

Gloria Radelat, of Heritage Manor, tells of the little boy who asked his dad, “Does God live in the bathroom?”

When his father said no, and asked why he asked, the kid answered, “Why, when I’m in the bathroom, do you say, ‘Lord, are you still in there?’ ”

Ultimate job training

Lew Carter tells of the visitor to Louisiana who was told by a tour guide, “We use alligators to make handbags.”

Exclaimed the tourist, “Isn’t it amazing what they can teach animals to do?”

Amazing grace

Joe Parker tells of his grandnephews in Mississippi — Charles, 6, and Matthew, 3?.

When their dog died, the boys’ mom decided it would be a valuable lesson about life and death. She took them out to see the body, and asked, “Would you like to say a prayer?”

Matthew replied, “Why, are we going to eat him?”

If anybody needs one ...

When teacher Becky Prichard went into the lunchroom at LaSalle Elementary to get her students for their next class, one of them asked her where she had eaten her lunch.

She replied that she had lunch in the teachers’ lounge.

His eyes grew big as he asked, “Y’all have a bar?”

Critical Mass

Lou Clouatre was at church when then-Bishop Alfred Hughes had trouble with his mic.

The bishop was reminded of the priest who was at the part of the Mass where he says “The Lord be with you” and the congregation responds “And also with you.”

When the cleric observed aloud, “Something is wrong with the mic,” the congregation dutifully intoned, “And also with you.”