When I ran into John Allphin recently at La Fonda, where we were both having family dinners, I complained that I hadn’t received any of his jokes lately.
He promised to send something to the column soon.
I didn’t know then that he wouldn’t be able to keep that promise.
As I was reading John’s obituary chronicling his impressive life in business and public service, I was delighted to find his contributions to this column mentioned.
Here are a few tales from John (and his buddy Boudreaux) that brightened the column for so many years:
John Allphin says his buddy Boudreaux loves his girlfriend’s leather dress:
“When she wears it, he says his heart beats quicker and he gets weak in the knees.
“It’s because, he explains, she smells like a new truck.”
John Allphin says Boudreaux the economist (not to be confused with Boudreaux the crawfish peeler) has just completed an economic study.
The study reveals that usually the best time to buy anything is last year.
John Allphin gives us the sad news that Boudreaux had to withdraw from the spelling bee:
“He said that when they asked him to spell Mississippi, he didn’t know if they meant the state or the river.”
It’s a puzzlement
John Allphin says his friend Boudreaux asked him this question:
“How could the boy that was not good enough to marry his daughter be the father of the world’s greatest grandchildren?”
John Allphin tells of the preacher who was walking in his neighborhood when he saw a small boy trying to reach a doorbell.
After observing the lad’s many unsuccessful attempts, the preacher walked over and pushed the doorbell.
He turned to the little boy and said, “Now what?”
The youngster answered, “Now we run real fast!”
Dudley Lehew, of Denham Springs, wonders, “Why is it that I can walk into my shop filled with thousands of man-stuff items and immediately see that a tiny 9/16th-inch socket wrench is missing, but cannot see the celery one foot in front of me in the fridge?”
He says it’s especially humiliating when his wife, Mary, walks over while he’s still holding the fridge door open, reaches in, grabs the celery, and “waves it in front of me like a bullfighter’s cape!”
Cat Haven’s annual fundraising gala, “Fishing for Felines,” is from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. Wednesday at The Lake House, 12323 Old Hammond Highway.
Tickets are $100, and all proceeds support the Cat Haven Adoption Center.
Contact http://www.cathaven.orgor (225) 636-2680.
If you’re going to be in Orlando, Fla., on Nov. 12, here’s your chance to teach Floridians how to cook gumbo.
Former Baton Rougean John Baumann, co-host of Fishing Florida Radio, says the first Central Florida Gumbo Cookoff benefits Give Kids the World and Anglers for Conservation.
Go to http://www.fishingfloridaradio.com, click on the gumbo logo.
Special People Dept.
• Virginia S. Williamson, of the St. James Health & Wellness Center, celebrates her 99th birthday Sunday.
• Marilyn and Garland Landry, of Central, celebrate their 66th anniversary Friday.
• Vivian and Herman Ross Jr. celebrate 62 years of marriage Sunday.
• James and Dane Braud Hawkins, of Dutchtown, celebrate their 56th anniversary Saturday.
Della Neely-Stout says, “With six very curious, busy grandchildren, my Grandma Pinkie would answer questions succinctly sometimes.
“I was much older when I learned the correct names for some things like a staple puller.
“For a long time I thought it was a ‘catch meddler.’
“As in, ‘Grandma! What’s this?’ She would answer, ‘A catch meddler. It caught you, didn’t it?’ ”
Bertha Hinojosa’s pre-K and kindergarten children are very proud that they can read, spell, and make word associations.
One petite 3-year-old girl said, “I can spell cat: C-A-T.”
Then Bertha said, “Great, now spell lots of cats,” hoping for the plural form.
The girl quickly spelled, “C-A-T, C-A-T, C-A-T, C-A-T,” and turned her head like they were crossing before her.
(Bertha hadn’t taught them how to add an “s” to nouns.)