When William Faulkner had a character say, “The past is never dead. It’s not even past,” he certainly didn’t have the Internet in mind.

But Doug Johnson, our senior Watson correspondent, has found a way to keep the past alive by going back to the scenes of his youth:

“Yes, there is such a thing as a time machine.

“I discovered it at Google Maps on the Internet.

“By going to that site and using the street view, I can look at streets, homes etc., that were part of me 65 years ago!

“Just yesterday, I was showing my wife the sidewalk in Nashville where I coasted downhill in my little red wagon when I was only 8 or 9 years old, and the windows of the room where I was in the first grade in 1944!

“OK, she was somewhat less than thrilled, but it was still exciting for me.

“Warning: this can become addictive.”

Patience, please

“Years ago when I was working as a hairstylist,” says Charlotte Prouty, “I had a saying taped to my mirror.

“Sometimes when I would be overbooked, I would get behind and have people waiting on me.

“Every now and then one of the ladies would get bent out of shape because she had to wait.

“I would just point to the mirror and shrug my shoulders.

“The saying? ‘The hurrier I go, the behinder I get.’ ”

Lesser evil?

When Bob Neese learned that our Gridiron Show co-star Russ Wise was planning on running for some public office, he immediately came up with a campaign slogan for him:

“I’ve got to be better than what we have right now.”

It seems appropriate for what’s shaping up as The Year of Low Expectations in Louisiana politics. …

Tip of the Week

Vernon Yielding says when you buy a battery for a lawn mower, boat etc., “be aware of the ‘core’ deposit, $9, that is returned to you when you bring the old battery.

“I just happened to see it on my bill. The store didn’t mention it.”

Worthy causes

A blood drive for LSU cheerleading coach Chico Garcia, injured in a boating accident, is 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Friday in the West Stadium parking lot.

Our Lady of the Lake will apply a $15 credit to his account for every donation.

Well read, well fed

At Bistro Byronz, from 5 p.m. to 9 p.m. Monday , if you mention LSU Press to your server 20 percent of the food sales will go to the press. And 10 percent of to-go orders will be donated as well. You’ll also be able to buy LSU Press’s latest and most popular titles.

Need coupons?

Barbara Davis says, “Between work and home, I have a bunch of Community Coffee coupons but don’t know of a school or day care that takes them.”

She’s at (225) 405-9542 or bedavis21@att.net.

Special People Dept.

• Therese Marquette Newchurch, of Paincourtville, celebrates her 96th birthday Friday.

• Ted Newport, former Berwick resident now living in Shreveport, celebrates his 92nd birthday Sunday.

• Florence Citty, a transplanted Texan now living in Clinton, celebrates her 90th birthday Saturday.

• Walter and Velma Beadle Dawson, of Patterson, celebrate 57 years of marriage Sunday.

Thought for the Day

Harry Clark, our senior Lafayette correspondent, came across this quote from Voltaire on the “A Word A Day” site:

“The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.”

Childspeak revisited

Harriet St. Amant says our story of the lad who called the American flag the “miracle flag” brought back a memory:

“When my son was approaching his second meaningful Christmas, just past his second birthday, we got an advertising booklet in the mail.

“I sat down to look through it and he crawled up on my lap.

“On one page, he pointed at something unfamiliar and asked, ‘What’s that, Mommy?’

“I told him it was an elf.

“As I turned the page, he very excitedly announced, ‘Look, Mommy, another nelf!’

“From that time forward, every time my husband reads ‘The Night Before Christmas’ on Christmas Eve, Santa becomes, ‘a right jolly old nelf’.”

Bugging out

While surfing through my e-mail, I came across a news release from a firm that makes vinyl covers for luggage and dresser drawers, informing me that “September is the first ever National Bed Bug Awareness Month.”

That’s just fine — although it seems to me that by the time you become aware of bed bugs, it’s too late. …