Smiley is winding up his Well-Deserved Vacation, but until he gets back, here are some items from the past.

A matter of priorities

John Chaney, of Zachary, says this really happened to him at a garage sale at his house:

“About 5 in the evening, when we were starting to gather up our unsold items, a car stopped in front of the house and the lady who was driving jumped out and ran up.

“As she frantically looked over the stuff we had for sale, a man who was a passenger slowly got out of the car and stood by it.

“He looked pale and shaken, and he was holding his arm, which was bleeding.

“I asked him what was the matter, and he said, ‘I just fell off my roof.’

“When I asked him if anything was broken, he said, ‘I don’t know. We’re on our way to the hospital, but my wife saw your garage sale sign. …’ ”

Seat of learning

Frank Brocato says his friend Collo Rosso was lamenting the fact that he didn’t have enough money to endow a chair at LSU, his beloved alma mater.

So Frank suggested he endow a milking stool at the Dairy Science Department.

Picky, picky, picky

Paul BeJeaux, of Denham Springs, says his wife was driving through their neighborhood with son Nicholas, 5?, when he pointed out a house and told her, “That is where my new girlfriend lives.”

When his mom asked him about his old girlfriend, he replied, “She started to lose her teeth — and I don’t like women like that.”

Fashion statement

Julie Aguillard, of Denham Springs, was in the mall on Super Bowl weekend with daughter Kara, 9, when they saw a mannequin wearing a Super Bowl XXXI jacket.

“Mom,” said Kara, “I would never want to wear one of those jackets.”

When Julie asked why, Kara replied, “Because they’ve put the size on the outside!”

Helping hands

Don “Po’ Cajun” Bergeron asks, “Who says there aren’t helpful people in Baton Rouge?”

He says that at an accident in which a freight train cut a delivery truck in half, “there was no end to volunteers willing to help pick up the debris.”

Uh, Don, that’s nice and all, but do you think the fact that it was a beer truck had anything to do with it?

Colorful comment

Joe Guilbeau, of Plaquemine, says recent comments about red and yellow traffic lights remind him of the time “my beloved hometown of Scott” received the news that it was about to get its first traffic light.

Says Joe, “Our city fathers quickly held a meeting to choose the colors.”