While Smiley is on his Well-Deserved Vacation, here are some items from past columns.

Snow kidding

It was a rare and wonderful occasion — I was told a clean joke at the Patio Lounge.

Mike Patterson said a baby polar bear approached his mother as they trudged through the snow near the North Pole and asked, “Mom, am I all polar bear?”

She assured him that he was indeed pure polar bear.

The baby then went to his father and asked, “Dad, are you sure I’m 100 percent polar bear?”

His father told of the family’s proud heritage, going back many generations, and said that he was without a doubt a polar bear and nothing else.

“Why do you ask, son?” said the dad.

“Because I’m freezing!”

Those floating suckers

Harvey has come up with a new slogan for Louisiana’s gambling riverboats:

“If could fools could fly, this place would be an airport.”

A cowboy’s lament

Elbridge B Charlton says, “We just returned from a vacation in Montana, and it almost turned into a disaster for me. As a young man I was a pretty good horseman, so I decided to try it again.

“As soon as I settled into the saddle I realized I had made a grave mistake. That horse started pitching and bucking, and I couldn’t do anything but hold on for dear life and yell bloody murder!

“It’s a good thing my wife heard me yelling and ran out of the Kmart and pulled that plug from the wall!”

High finance

John Minvielle, of Jeanerette, tells of two Aggie counterfeiters who had a problem passing their newly printed $12 bills.

They decided to go to Louisiana, because they’d heard that Cajuns were easy to fool. At a small country store between Ville Platte and Lawtell, they asked the owner if he could change a twelve. He replied, “Mais, yeah. How you want it, four threes or two sixes?”

Job creation

A reader says all the talk by candidates about “good government” reminds her of a remark credited to Earl Long. Uncle Earl was quoted as saying that people who supported him in the first primary got jobs, while those who waited until the runoff to support him got “good government.”

Sound familiar?

A.L. Palmer, of Hammond, offers this timely anecdote:

“A politician of an earlier era was looking for votes. He visited the local pool hall and asked one of the patrons if he had heard that he was running for a public office.

“His reply was, ‘That’s what I hear, but I have not been financially informed of the fact.’ ”