I am writing to request Gov. Bobby Jindal’s guidance, as I am in the midst of an identity crisis. You see, I am a descendant of immigrants to this country, both from Norway and Germany. Until the past few weeks, I have never doubted that I was sufficiently American. But now, alas, I’m not so sure. I know that Jindal has given this issue much thought, and for this reason, I am asking for his assistance to help my family become fully assimilated in American culture.
To begin with, I must confess, I do have some Norwegian heirlooms currently in my possession. Would it be advisable, in his opinion, to dispose of the items? Secondly, I occasionally utter the word “uffda” when surprised, frustrated, etc. I’m at a complete loss as to finding an acceptable “American” substitute that would convey the same meaning. What word do you use?
Then there is the matter of clothing. I was in the process of locating a knitting pattern for Norwegian mittens when I heard the news. As I understand it, I should be looking instead for “American” mittens. The only patterns that I can find involve killing an animal for its hide. That sounds rather messy, but I am willing to do whatever is necessary.
Finally, the serious subject of food. My family does look forward to the traditional lefse, lutefisk and strul (krumkake) during the holidays. I now realize that we should make the change for this coming year. Again, I’m having difficulty with the menu.
What would be good “American” dishes? Should an “American” dinner include maize? This is of utmost importance, as I do not want to be the one to tell the family that we will be having corn dogs and Twinkies this year, but then I am sure that it would sound more acceptable coming from the governor.
I eagerly await your response, as we look forward to becoming “fully assimilated Americans.”
P.S. Can an American eat beignets? Or would it only be considered “un-American” for a person of French ancestry? So many questions. I apologize.