Anticipating passage of the so-called “religious freedom” law, here are a few questions and comments that businesses may want to use for screening out and turning away unworthy customers:

1. Are you previously divorced and now married to someone else? If so, you are not welcome here. Jesus said, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery.” (Mark 10:11.) It is therefore our religious belief that the institution of marriage is damaged by people like you who live in adultery, and we refuse to serve you.

2. Do you use condoms or other artificial contraceptives during marital sex? If so, we reject you as a customer. Our church condemns artificial contraception, and we have a moral conviction that you are harming the institution of marriage through your condemned sexual conduct. (Humanae Vitae encyclical, section 14.) Therefore, we will not let you in here.

3. Do you have oral sex with your spouse? If so, stay away from our business. Oral sex is a crime under Louisiana law, even between husband and wife. (Louisiana Revised Statute 14:89.) We are legally and morally convinced that you devalue the institution of marriage by such criminal behavior. Accordingly, we won’t serve you.

One last note: To commemorate the enactment of this new law, Louisiana may want to change its nickname from “Sportsman’s Paradise” to “Haven for the Judgmental and Intolerant.”

Stephen R. Doody

attorney

Baton Rouge