The BCS has spawned a zillion derogatory definitions, though it seems an obvious one - Bound (to) Chap Somebody - has gone untapped.

The BCS is an equal opportunity system in that has something to irritate everybody. There is the vast majority (at least they tell us they’re the majority) who want a playoff instead of the current meld of human polls and computers. A plus-one. A final four. Eight teams. Sixteen teams. Paper, scissors, rock. Anything but the current system, this popularity contest, this travesty.

Even the teams that stand to benefit most from the status quo, teams like LSU, which has been No. 1 in every BCS ranking this season, have reason to gripe.

It certainly appears that if LSU makes it to the BCS National Championship Game, it could be forced into a rematch with current No. 2 Alabama. It’s almost as though the Tigers’ hard-fought 9-6 overtime win on the Crimson Tide’s home turf (you remember, the “Biggest. Game. Ever!”?) was for nothing. ESPN BCS analyst Brad Edwards - one wonders how his head doesn’t explode every Thanksgiving - said Monday if it had been Alabama that won by a field goal in overtime the Tigers and Tide would be in this same position, just with the rankings reversed.

There are a couple of basic tenants to remember about the BCS: It wasn’t designed to be fair, it wasn’t designed to make everyone feel warm and fuzzy, and loving the BCS means never having to promise you’ll win your conference.

This last point seems heresy, but in reality it does make sense. Like it or not, the best two teams reside not only in the same conference but in the same Western Hemisphere of the Southeastern Conference. As of this week the best three teams in the country hail from the SEC West when you include No. 3-ranked Arkansas, but there is that teeny matter of the Razorbacks’ 24-point loss in September at Alabama.

The Hogs can atone for that with a win Friday in Tiger Stadium, but they remain a long shot. Perhaps the odds-makers who installed LSU as nearly a two-touchdown favorite have taken note that the Tigers don’t favor allowing touchdowns. They have given up only four of them in seven SEC games total and never more than one per contest.

In another year, with other worthwhile teams in contention, it might be fair to say that Alabama had its shot. But so many contenders shot themselves in the foot, no one but Alabama (and Arkansas) remain truly worthy among the one-time losers.

Virginia Tech or Stanford? Please. No significant wins. Undefeated Houston? Ditto. Oklahoma State? Lost as a four-touchdown favorite.

A non-SEC nation sick and flipping tired of a half-decade of SEC oppression may have to deal for another year. May we suggest a large adult beverage from one of New Orleans’ fine watering holes during BCS week?

Looks like the SEC will have won before the game even kicks off. Cheers.