It was a fitting end to perhaps the nuttiest NBA season in history^=and, as it turned out, the drama didn’t end with the Dallas Mavericks’ title-clinching victory Sunday night in Miami.
LeBron James hadn’t wiped the egg off his face Sunday night when he caused another stir, saying those who took joy in watching the Heat lose “have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today.”
One day later, James was in full spin mode. The self-proclaimed “King” said he’s not superior to anyone.
But here’s what we really want him to say:
“Wow. I blew it. Between ?The Decision,’ the premature pep rally and my fourth-quarter no-shows, I’ve come to look like a petulant brat.
“It’s all my fault. I get it. This summer, I’ll start working on a midrange game and some post moves. Anyway, until I actually win something, I’ll hush up.”
Meanwhile, ESPN President George Bodenheimer probably enjoyed the NBA playoffs, and why wouldn’t he? They were great for buzz and ratings. But here’s what we want him to say:
“Wow. We blew it. We’ve got to stop filling the air with pure baloney.
“Every time LeBron misses a shot, our analysts call him the biggest fraud in NBA history. Every time he makes a shot, our analysts call him the best of all time. I mean, he’s 26. We don’t really know anything yet. Until we do, we’ll dump the hyperbole and just cover the games. Then we’ll hush up.”
Elsewhere, NBA Commissioner David Stern probably popped a few Motrin as he pondered the offseason ahead. Here’s what we want him to say:
“The unemployment rate in this country is still sky-high, and we’re about to have a lockout. We can’t afford to look like a bunch of spoiled rich guys quibbling over millions. Let’s lock ourselves in a hotel room and pound out an agreement. And until we do, we’ll hush up.”
Nowitzki, the MVP, was gracious in victory. Here’s what we want him to say:
“I’m taking my trophy to South Beach!”
Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert loved the NBA Finals. We know because after the King lost, Gilbert posted a silly celebratory message on Twitter. But here’s what we want him to say:
“Wow. I blew it. Last I checked, I have the same number of rings as LeBron James: zero. So for now, I’ll look into making trades and smart draft picks, and one day, I’ll win my own title. Until then, I’ll hush up.”
Mark Cuban enjoyed the NBA Finals, and rightfully so. For once, here’s what we want him to say: Nothing.
And somewhere, Michael Jordan and Larry Bird are (hopefully) sitting in a steak house, sharing drinks and stories and jewelry. Here’s what we want them to say:
“What a circus. When we played, our games were games, not soap operas. We played hard and worked every offseason to improve, and we won a bunch of rings.
“Don’t you miss us?”