When Jerry Moses told me, “This is one governor’s race where I’ve already voted twice — or maybe three times,” I assumed he was just carrying on a grand old Louisiana tradition.

Then he explained: “That’s the number of public opinion phone calls I’ve answered before calling it quits. I mean, honest folks should really limit the number of times they vote.

“The calls begin shortly after 9 in the morning, and there’s another peak around 6:30 in the evening, or whenever you sit down to dinner.

“I think before the presidential election heats up next year, I may cut the umbilical cord — abandon the land telephone line and disappear into the hidden realm of cell phones. Lots of folks are there already, and they can eat their supper without being interrupted by another opinion seeker.”

Say what?

Judy Atkinson says, “My best friend called to tell me how upset she was — she got a ticket for an inspired inspection sticker.”

Bobbie Spencer, of Lafayette, says, “My 4-year-old niece and her dad gave me a birthday gift of three vanilla scented flameless candles. As I took the candles out of the box, Melodie slowly shook her finger at me and said, ‘Auntie Bobbie, be sure to read the destructions before you try to light the candles!’”

Tim Cockerham says, “As a young assistant principal many years ago, I struggled with how to approach a veteran teacher who had written up a seventh-grader for being ‘impotent and sassy.’ I finally spoke with her privately and suggested she may have meant ‘impudent’ as a behavior I could help him correct.”

Mitch Worley says, “My uncle, the late Gene Worley, would substitute teach occasionally in our East Baton Rouge public schools. One day when he walked into a third-grade classroom, one of his students ran up to him with a big smile on his face and asked, ‘Are you going to be our prostitute today?’”

Thank-you notes

Anonymous Reader thanks “an older gentleman and a young mother of two who came to my aid when I fell entering one of those big chain stores. I did not get their names, but hope they recognize themselves if you would so kindly print this.”

Got art?

I assume because I’m a patron of the arts and a noted collector of paintings — even some on black velvet! — I’ve been invited to the Painting a Brighter Future art show and sale Tuesday, Oct. 13, at 6 p.m. at University Presbyterian Church. It’s put on by the Arts for Wellness program of the Mental Health Association for Greater Baton Rouge, to give clients of the Alliance House Drop In Center a chance to show and sell their work.

On second thought, perhaps I’ve been invited because Arts for Wellness is run by Katherine Anders, to whom I’m related by marriage...

Looking for stuff

A Baton Rouge reader wants to know “if there is an individual or company that can repair an old upright radio that belonged to my grandmother. It probably dates from the 1930s or 1940s.”

If you know, let me know and I’ll let him know.

Special People Dept.

Seida Broussard, a native of Crowley and a resident of Gonzales, celebrated her 96th birthday on Wednesday, Oct. 7.

Elsie Fabre Vallet, of Baton Rouge, celebrates her 95th birthday on Tuesday, Oct. 13. She is a native of New Roads.

Hurst “Bud” Samson, of New Roads, celebrated his 94th birthday on Thursday, Oct. 8. He is a World War II veteran and Master Gardener.

Eunice Downey, of Brusly, celebrates her 92nd birthday on Tuesday, Oct. 13.

Shelby Roper, of Baton Rouge, celebrates his 90th birthday on Tuesday, Oct. 13. He is a Navy veteran of World War II.

Bill and Marion Vaughn celebrate their 62nd anniversary on Tuesday, Oct. 13.

Edward and Audrey Laird Hall celebrated their 60th anniversary on Sunday, Oct. 11.

Brenda and Ernest “Big Ernie” Hernandez, of Baton Rouge, celebrated their 54th anniversary on Friday, Oct. 9.

Inquiring Minds Dept.

Terry Karam Willett asks, “How does one know when one’s bleu cheese has gone bad?”

Marvin Borgmeyer asks, “When was the last time you played Solitaire with real cards?”

Not bilingual

Bill Humphreys, of New Orleans, says, “Recently, I was having lunch and watching TV with my granddaughter, Suzy, when the guy in the Sonic commercial used the phrase, ‘Je ne sais quoi.’

“I asked Suzy, ‘What does je ne sais quoi mean? She shrugged and said, ‘I don’t know.’

“I said I would ask Nanna (my wife, Ruby): ‘She took French.’

“Ruby entered the room and I asked, ‘What does je ne sais quoi mean?’

“She replied, ‘I don’t know.’ I said, ‘I’ll Google it.’ She laughed, and said, ‘No, je ne sais quoi means “I don’t know.”’

“I told Suzy, ‘You were right.’”

Contacting Smiley

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.