Dan Burkhalter, the Carencro Curmudgeon, reflecting on his status as a senior citizen, has come up with “Ten things Grandpa doesn’t want to hear from Grandma:”

1. “You having ANOTHER beer?”

2. “Put your teeth in.”

3. “Is your hearing aid on?”

4. “Come let me get the hair out of your ears.”

5. “Turn the TV down.”

6. “Better let me drive; traffic is heavy.”

7. “Aren’t 18 holes of golf enough for one day?”

8. “There’s a man at the door who wants to talk about religion. You talk to him; I don’t have on any makeup.”

9. “Your pants are unzipped.”

10. “Susie Belle and Buster have broken up, and she and the kids are coming to live with us.”

Selective memory

L.P. Miller says, “Both of our daughters married Southerners. One of them is a Texan.

“Diane and Bill get along fine — but there’s one thing that really irks her:

“He remembers the Alamo, but forgets her birthday.”

Memorable accents

Alice Murphy, of Destrehan, says French was the first language of her mother and uncle:

“After their children entered school, they picked up English, such as it is.

“One day, Uncle Loris complained to his wife about a really bad cold: ‘I believe it’s brown colic!’ ” (Also known as bronchitis.)

“Then there was my mother, who renamed our state university after me: ‘Alice U.’

“In this wonderful Cajun country of ours, there must be thousands like this.”

Good books

The Bible is out of the running for Louisiana’s official state book, but suggestions for a book to represent our state continue.

“Larelic” says if we’re going to have a state cookbook, we should consider John Folse’s books, “which combine the history of early Cajuns with Cajun recipes — nourishment for both mind and body.”

Or maybe our state book should be about our history:

“My first Louisiana history book was by William O. Scroggs, Ph.D., 1924:

“It has remained my primary source on Louisiana history.

“Then I came across a new version of Scroggs’ book, entitled ‘Louisiana 2012, Bicentennial Celebration of History, Culture and Natural Resources,” written and produced by our Louisiana State Archives, spearheaded by Dr. Florent ‘Pon’ Hardy.

“It covers the same subjects, but has been greatly enhanced with color photos and modern technology.

“It should be required reading for all children.”

Old-time religion

Perry Anderson Snyder, on a trip to Scotland, got a reminder of just how young a country we have on this side of the pond:

“Thanks to our pastor at First Presbyterian, Dr. Gerrit Dawson, we found a relatively new church at which to worship on Easter Sunday.

“St. Cuthbert in Edinburgh sits at the very foot of Edinburgh Castle — such a sight on a cloudless Sabbath.

“Oh yes, how young is this Calvinist congregation?

“The first sermon was delivered in 743, though some of the faithful contend it was 741.”

Worthy causes

Ray Spruellpar (golfman2@cox.net) says St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital benefits from the annual Baton Rouge Corvette Club car show Saturday at the Plaquemine Bayou Water Park. There will be auctions, raffles, food and drinks.

Special People Dept.

  • Ruth Bezet Barbay celebrates her 91st birthday on Thursday.
  • Wildy and Hilda Templet, of Pierre Part, celebrate their 68th anniversary on Thursday.

    Lowell and Mary Anne Singletary celebrate their 66th anniversary on Thursday.

    Celebrating their 60th anniversary on Thursday are Richard Thomas “Gibbens” Robichaux and Joann Hebert Robichaux, of Thibodaux.

Pizza attacks!

Our “first pizza” stories have so far been happy ones, but Pat Tomancik tells of a less pleasant encounter:

“While visiting relatives in Detroit in 1953, my cousins took me to a pizza place.

“I was from a small town (Port Sulphur), and didn’t know what pizza was.

“After being encouraged to try many flavors, arriving back home I was sooo ill!”

An aunt treated the distress with Alka-Seltzer tablets.

Pat adds, “I love pizza today!”

Supermarket humor

Butch Gautreaux, of Morgan City, says, “Seeing the ‘Bizarro’ cartoon in The Advocate offering ‘paper or plastic’ at ‘Jimmy’s Discount Crematorium’ reminded me of a friend and neighbor back in the ’80s.

“After completing checkout at the local supermarket, Betty got the regular ‘Paper or plastic?’ from the cashier.

“Betty paused for a moment, then responded, ‘Neither; I’m paying cash.’

“It got a smile from the cashier, and a chuckle from those in line behind her.”

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.