Here's a scenario: Christmas is roughly three days away (depending on when you read this). You don't have anything for your loved one. You're freaking out. You've yelled at everyone, including the UPS driver who brought you the present you bought yourself (in this scenario, you're also lonely). 

First, stop freaking out. Second, take some tips from me (code name: "it's-ya-boy") and consider the following options from local food vendors and businesses in Baton Rouge. 

Avec Tous Spice: A Cajun blend of seasoning with less than half the sodium but still oh-so-good.

Truly Scrumptious Pretzel Crunch: Candy, chocolate and pretzels in one bag. Your holidays just got saved. You're welcome.

GrinningJupiter Jammery: You know what rules? Jellies and jams from GrinningJupiter. I seriously finished a bottle of this in a week. I was licking the jar. Perfect for your mom, in-law, or me. Send me some of this. Please.

Hanley's Dressings: Imagine all-natural salad dressings with no gluten, genetically modified organisms or junk. Well, you don't have to imagine, thanks to Hanley's Dressings. Bonus, because these are real good.

Where To Go, What To Eat

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Meats from Iverstine Family Farms: You got a real grill captain? Galen Iverstine opened up a butcher shop for you and yours. Stop reading this and go get some of that good stuff.

More meats, but also sides from Twine: Need more meat? Want some side dishes like seaweed salad, or maybe want to cook some wild salmon patties? Take a drive down Government Street and visit Twine already, ya big lug!

Bag of Cafeciteaux coffee: Judging from this list, you can tell I've had eight bags of this coffee today. Jokes aside, this local coffee is really good and not at all bitter like that drive-thru stuff y'all love. (Y'all crazy for that.)

Jay D's Louisiana Molasses Mustard: Jay Ducote's mustard is so good it made me forgive him not telling me he was going on "Chopped." C'mon, man!

Anything from Red Stick Spice Co.: I didn't want to write gift card, but this Jefferson Highway shop has olive oils, tea blends and gift boxes. Anything from here is a good bet.

Give up, but not totally, and get local spirits and beer. Baton Rouge has great beers from Tin Roof (Parade Ground Coffee Porter, hello!) and Southern Craft Brewing (now in cans, what?), as well as bourbon and brandy from Baton Rouge Distilling, and specialty rums and spirits from Cane Land Distilling.;;;

Follow Matthew Sigur on Twitter, @MatthewSigur.