That's one of the classic headlines my LSU classmate Leroy Colter recalls from the collection of Nick Plasterer, a former newspaperman who taught in the LSU School of Journalism (aka the J-School).
Leroy says my recent mention of newspaper deliveries "reminded me of why I read the newspaper in the first place.
"Nick gave me a list of real headlines that should make anyone want to read the story. Here are a few that are printable:
"'City unsure why sewer smells'
"'Homicide victims rarely talk to police'
"'Man with 8 DWIs blames drinking problem'
"'Marijuana issue sent to a joint committee'
"'New sick leave policy requires 2-day notice'
"'Study shows teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25'
Leroy adds, "The others were of a personal nature." And were no doubt the funniest ones. …
After I suggested on Saturday that the student rooms in Tiger Stadium had all the charm of a jail cell, Bo Bienvenu, of Prairieville, came to their defense:
Bo described the rooms as "the base camp for 'Operation Freedom' for many of us — that precious time between living at home and job, military, and family responsibilities.
"It also served as a restaurant, by using the steam heat to warm cans of Hormel Chili and Dinty Moore Beef Stew.
"It was a community center for very important meetings and planning events. It was an amusement center that offered a variety of card games, joke-telling contests and 'true stories.'
"It even served as a substitute cleaners, by providing a place to 'iron' clothes between two pieces of plywood placed between the mattress and box spring.
"This also prevented the broken springs from sticking through the flimsy mattress.
"And even though there was no A/C, there was no judge requiring a maximum heat index for the occupants."
Money well spent
From our "Never Forget" file, Ray Neyland offers this thought:
"I noticed the Saints were increasing their ticket prices. I wonder if they will use the price increase to buy yellow flags for the refs." And more importantly, teach them how to use them. …
Rick Marshall thinks he has found the reason we have so many lousy drivers in these parts — it's imitation:
"I have been discouraged by my fellow motorists' lack of control. Then I noticed that every car commercial on TV exhibits driving that would get one arrested on public roads and probably shot on private property."
After a hummingbird sighting story, several readers pointed out that some hummers hang around here during the winter months.
Marieanne Arata says, "Not all hummers go to Mexico or South America; many of them stay in Louisiana for the winter."
And Tony Falterman, of Napoleonville, says, "Just like last year, a hummingbird survived the winter and fed daily at our feeder. … Don’t know where it sleeps, but I would let it in the house if I could. One tough cookie.
"Perhaps there should be another superhero — Superhum or Superbird."
Special People Dept.
- F.G. "Jack" Taylor, formerly of Baton Rouge, now living in Monroe, celebrated his 94th birthday Tuesday, March 12. He is a Navy veteran of World War II.
- Vincent Capitano Sr. celebrates his 93rd birthday Wednesday, March 13. He is a World War II veteran.
Linda Whitman, of Denham Springs, tells this sad "generation gap" story:
"After a brief stay at the hospital, our young nurse was doing paperwork for us to leave. I told husband Herb to thank 'Nurse Ratched' for her good care.
"The nurse was clueless about the name, or the movie 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.'
"Is it my imagination, or are doctors and nurses getting younger?"
I know, Linda — my granddaughter, a nurse in Slidell, had the same nonreaction.
Al Delahaye, of Thibodaux, professor emeritus of journalism at Nicholls State, recalls a tale Perry Brandao shared with him in "about 1948," when they were journalism classmates at LSU:
"An adult and a little boy were outside on a dreary, dark day when the sun suddenly popped out and the boy exclaimed: 'Look. God changed the light bulb.'"