In the Monday column, when I was discussing dogs chasing cars, I wondered what would happen if they ever caught one. 

"Storm," the alias for our "Old Baton Rouge" correspondent, answers that question:

"My wife and I were visiting her aunt and namesake, Zelma Ray Conerly, in Tupelo, Mississippi.

"Aunt Ray had an old, docile female Rottweiler named Bootie, who loved everybody in the world except the brown devils, UPS trucks!

"Bootie had a habit of lying on top of an old card table placed in the sun for her while Aunt Ray worked in her flower beds.

"Then it happened: one of the vile brown heathens from Hades rolled up next to Bootie's yard, and she bolted! She got those old bones working like she was a pup again, dashing across the yard in a flash and catching the sidewall of the right rear tire.

"With a little pop and a lot of hiss, the loathsome creature was dead.

"She shook her head and calmly walked back and hopped up on her card table, looking very content.

"Yep, there were a lot of late packages in Tupelo on that one summer day!"

Recruiting visit

Bobby Marcello, of Thibodaux, signs his letter "Go Tigers, Go Colonels, and War Eagle!," so we know where he stands football-wise.

Bobby was one of many readers commenting on the Iron Bowl game between Auburn and Alabama, where … well, you know.

He brings up those commercials, usually on the SEC Network, featuring Nick trying hard to act like just a nice, regular guy:

"We've all seen the insurance commercial with Nick Saban sitting in this couples' living room telling them, 'We could really use you, and what a great asset you would be to our company.'

"Maybe Nick should include one more very important question:

"'Oh, by the way, can either of you kick field goals?'"

Oscar for flopping?

Bill Bozzelle, of Baton Rouge, addresses the tactic of "flopping," more common in basketball, where a player goes down with a fake injury to stop the clock and slow down a faster opponent.

Bill noticed Auburn using this acting technique in the LSU game, and then observed the Aggies trying an even more obvious version of it.

He's referring to the time when the Tigers were on another drive near the Texas A&M goal line, and three Aggies started to hit the turf before deciding on one of them.

The player lay on the Tiger Stadium grass, apparently near death, until some time passed and his teammates caught their breath; whereupon he jumped up and trotted off the field, miraculously cured.

Bill hopes for an Academy Award for these performances, suggesting a tie between the Auburn and A&M players. 

Special People Dept.

  • Vernon Breaux, of Arnaudville, celebrated his 94th birthday Friday, Nov. 29.
  • Pete Heine, former mayor of Baker, celebrates his 91st birthday Wednesday, Dec. 4.

Clever grandpa!

Ken Best says, "Following your recent thread about family members' names (keeping up with my 10 great-grandchildren) reminded me of a friend with a similar problem.

"At the time this occurred he and his wife had 12 grandchildren. I have 3, and sometimes call one of them the wrong name.

"I asked my friend how he kept 12 straight. He smiled and said he just called the boys 'Buddy' and the girls 'Honey.'

"At last count I think the count is up to 16. I don't know if the kids have caught on yet."

Faux fowl

Richard Fossey, of Baton Rouge, tells this hunting story:

"My stepson Charlie went duck hunting in a rice field near Morganza recently. He was in his duck blind well before dawn, but no ducks showed up.

"About 8:30 in the morning, Charlie took a photo of the scenery on his cellphone and sent it to his girlfriend, Leigh Erin, along with a text message that said, 'No ducks.'

"Leigh Erin texted right back, 'What do you mean there are no ducks? There are lots of ducks in the photo you sent me. Why don't you shoot them?'

"Charlie texted his reply: 'Those are decoys.'"

Write Smiley at He can also be reached by mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821. Follow Smiley Anders on Twitter, @SmileyAndersAdv.