Dudley Lehew, of Marrero, our unpaid political consultant, offers to show those Iowa folks how to get organized:
"After waiting way past my bedtime to see the Democratic Iowa caucuses turn out to be a greater fiasco than New Orleans' Hard Rock Hotel demolition, I have decided to organize the 'West Bank caucuses' for 2024.
"Surely, a fiercely patriotic band of Cajun boys can do better than Iowa!
"Based on observing how West Bankers regularly organize parishwide crawfish boils, fish fries, bake sales, parades, nutria hunts, and elections — and on an annual and even weekly timetable — it's a surefire lock we can do better.
"I've already gotten a Lafitte boat launch owner to let the West Bank caucuses be held on his property, and he has also promised to have the shell road leading to the area freshly graded.
"A red beans and rice cook-off, sponsored by my 'Nothing But Joy' foundation and 'Uber Goober' service, will be held to pay for the event's costs.
"I'm open to suggestions to making the West Bank caucuses a national event and a highlight of the Mardi Gras season."
Hitching a ride
You might have noticed that Tony Falterman, of Napoleonville, often has stories in this column. That's because as an attorney, former sheriff and former district attorney, he's come across some memorable situations and characters in his long career. For instance, here's Tony's dog story to add to our growing collection:
"I had a dog, an Irish terrier by the name of Eagan. He was an alpha male, and very protective of my house and property.
"If anyone drove into the driveway, whether automobile, truck, UPS, FedEx, etc., and left a door ajar, he would immediately climb into the vehicle and investigate the contents.
"Once, an elderly gentlemen came to my house to inquire about an arraignment notice he had received. I asked him in, and after telling him how to plead and the procedure, he left to return to Napoleonville.
"A few minutes later I noticed that my dog was missing. I immediately got into my vehicle and sped after the gentlemen’s pickup truck.
"As I approached, there was Eagan, enjoying an open air ride in the bed of the truck. After blinking my lights and blowing my horn I was able to stop the truck.
"When I told the driver I wanted my dog, he said, 'Oh, my Lord, I’m in enough trouble already; I promise you I wasn’t stealing your dog!'”
The Suburban vote
Stuart Roberts, of Port Vincent, says, "My friend posted a picture of the mileage on his 2004 Chevrolet Suburban (named Duck). The 16-year-old SUV/truck had 300,000 miles on it.
"So I asked him if Duck, at 16, was going to get a license and become a self-driving truck?
"He said when Duck turns 18 he is going to vote. Think they will notice?"
Gourmet dog food
Ernie Gremillion, of Baton Rouge, has our (hopefully) final "dog dining on people's food" story:
"Some time ago, we were expecting dinner guests, and my wife fixed a plate of stuffed mushrooms for hors d'oeuvres.
"She had some stuffing left over and put it on a plate, instructing the maid to feed it to the dog outside.
"A little later, when she couldn't find the plate of mushrooms, she asked the maid about it. Apparently, a slight communication error allowed our dog to have a gourmet meal that evening.
"Our dinner guests never knew what they missed, because we were too embarrassed to tell them."
Special People Dept.
- Junior and Regina Remondet, of Reserve, celebrate their 60th anniversary Thursday, Feb. 6.
- Don and Peggy Guillot celebrate their 55th anniversary Thursday, Feb. 6.
As bad as it gets
Well, folks, we've finally hit rock bottom.
We're stooping to running elephant jokes…
For instance, Tim Palmer, of Lafayette, offers this one:
Bob: "Do you know why elephants paint their toenails different colors?"
Bob: "So they can hide in M&M packages. Have you ever seen an elephant in an M&M package?"
Bob: "See how good they hide?"