Please, no snarky comments about the decline in this column's subject matter. …

Mike Staid says, "A week or so ago, a reader wrote about using a certain type of fertilizer. That fertilizer has caused me some trouble.

"Back in 2 B.C., (2 years before COVID-19), my wife wanted a certain kind of fertilizer for some flower beds. When I made my next trip to the co-op, she commissioned me to bring back many bags of 'I think it's called Happy Cow manure.'

"So I pull into the busy dock of the co-op, and before going in to get a ticket I ask one of the many dock hands loading other pickup trucks, 'Do ya'll have Happy Cow manure?'

"The entire dock grew quiet as customers and loaders raised up and looked at me.

"One of the guys smiled and said very loudly, 'Well, I don't know if they were happy or mad, but we have some Black Kow manure.'

"In addition to at least one man falling off the dock laughing, several loud conversation started about the current 'mooood' of their cattle.

"Returning home, I irately told my wife the story. Big mistake No. 2. She delighted in calling everyone and telling them I don't know manure about fertilizer.

"But at least I know 'Cow' is spelled with a K!"

Miracles revisited

One of the few positive aspects of the shutdown of sports during the pandemic is the ability to relive at our leisure great moments involving teams we love. 

Susan Lipsey, an admitted LSU sports junkie, says, "I’ve watched the replays of many of the games on the SEC Network during this pandemic.

"Two LSU 'miracle games' were shown on the same day.

"I watched the Warren Morris home run in 1996 — a College World Series championship won against Miami. I still cry with joy and disbelief every time I watch it.

"Then I saw the 'Bluegrass Miracle' — LSU beating Kentucky at Kentucky in the last two seconds, needing 98 yards to score. I hadn’t seen it since I was in the stands 18 years ago, watching in total disbelief as LSU won that game.

"We all miss LSU sports so much! Crowds yelling 'Geaux Tigers' and screaming their lungs out takes us away from our everyday lives and pumps excitement in our hearts. Can’t wait to be in those stands yelling with 100,000 other fans.”

Money pit

Bo Bienvenu, of Prairieville, offers a somewhat cynical suggestion in our Superdome naming sweepstakes:

"With taxpayer 'donations' to the Superdome exceeding $500 million and counting, I think we should name it either the Taxpayer Dome or the Bottomless Pit Dome.

"Of course, if all the lawyers advertising on TV pooled their money, they could name it the Personal Injury Dome."

And Charlanne Cress, of Zachary, says, "I have a very worthy noncorporate name for our Superdome — the 'Citizen's Superdome.' We voted for it, we paid for it, and we cherish it. Long may it stand."

Special People Dept.

  • Brother Eldon Crifasi, formerly of Baton Rouge, celebrates his 98th birthday Saturday, May 30. His friend Marvin Borgmeyer says, "Now living in a retirement home in Rhode Island, he visits Baton Rouge several times a year."
  • Johnie L. Dukes, of Baton Rouge, celebrates her 90th birthday Friday, May 29.
  • Olive Campbell, of Williamsburg Senior Living in Baton Rouge, formerly of Greenwell Springs, celebrates her 90th birthday Saturday, May 30.
  • Spellman "Pat" and Julie Decoteau, of Baton Rouge, celebrate their 66th anniversary Friday, May 29.
  • Ray and Janice Richard, of Central, celebrate 59 years of marriage Saturday, May 30.
  • Herb and Becky Stein, of Algiers, celebrate their 50th anniversary Friday, May 29.

Hands off!

Algie Petrere says if football returns while the virus is still with us, it's likely the penalty for grabbing a face mask will have an entirely different meaning.

Thought for the Day

From Russ Kercher, of Mandeville: "Politicians should not be required to wear face masks. It's much more difficult to determine when they are lying through their teeth."

Write Smiley at He can also be reached by mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821. Follow Smiley Anders on Twitter, @SmileyAndersAdv.