Perry Snyder is kind enough to share with me the deliberations of The Biscuit Boys, gents of a certain age who meet weekly at Baton Rouge catfish house Crawford's 2 for breakfast at the far-too-early-for-me hour of 8 a.m.
Their latest idea involves two favorite sports, baseball and golf, about which they have concerns. Here are their remedies for these problems:
"Baseball games can be shortened if the rules are changed to prohibit the adjusting of batting gloves between pitches. (Note: We did not consider a crackdown on either scratching or adjusting of cups.)
"And professional golf tourneys can become more enjoyable for those in attendance, as well as those watching on the telly, when loudmouths no longer are permitted to yell, 'You da man,' 'Get in the hole,' and the like.
"But how are these changes to be enforced? The solution is quite simple. Umpires will supplement their ball-strike-out clickers with stun guns. A batter who adjusts his batting glove will be given one warning. A second offense will result in big-time voltage.
"Stun guns could have a role to play at golf tourneys. Each of the 18 holes will have two highly-trained marshals. A major zap will greet the first 'Get in the hole!'"
Michael Hess, of Slidell, adds to our seemingly endless tales of outhouses:
"My mom's family had property in northwest Arkansas dating back to the 1850s. So, of course, there was the family outhouse.
"When the property was sold in the 1990s, my Fayetteville cousin had the outhouse door (with its multiple generations of knife carvings on it) removed and made into her dining room table. (I'm assuming it was thoroughly sanitized.)"
Too much information
Speaking of outhouses, Francis Celino, The Metairie Miscreant, follows our discussion of two-holers with this memory:
"In Vietnam we had 10-holers — five on a side…"
(Francis goes on to further describe the arrangement, but I frankly don't want to think about it…)
Steve Davis, of Metairie, adds to our Thursday story about the guys on garbage trucks:
"About a year ago one of our guys asked me if I had water. I gave him three bottles. Once a week during the summer, I refrigerate three bottles and put them on top of my trash can.
"I'm the only one in the neighborhood who gets his can brought up the driveway."
Nobey Benoit comments on Tim Palmer's recollection of mysterious lights in Gonzales, supposedly caused by swamp gas:
"The mention of swamp gas reminded me that back in high school we knew it by the Cajun term 'fee-fau-lay.'
"Few were brave enough to trek to the nearby Chacahoula Swamp to witness this phenomenon.
"After all, didn't the rou-gah-rou live there?"
Special People Dept.
- Cora Lee Smith, of St. Joseph Manor, Thibodaux, celebrates her 103rd birthday Friday, June 21.
- B.L. and Sharon Smith Fairchild, of Baton Rouge, celebrate 64 years of marriage Friday, June 21. (They eloped in 1955 while they were in Istrouma High School.)
- Charleen and Charles Precht, of Iota, celebrate their 55th anniversary Friday, June 21. (They say they started out with almost nothing and after 55 years still have most of it…)
Chuck Falcon, of Donaldsonville, addresses our discussion of compliments directed to older folks:
"On the subject of 'looking good:' If someone says to you, 'You look good for your age,' if you think about it, what they are really saying is, 'You don’t look that good, unless you consider your age.'"
While we're on the subject, Ward Oliver, of Baton Rouge, says, "It is especially gratifying to be told by your doctor that you are 'looking good for a man your age.'
"I have been told this by my primary care physician, my cardiologist, my urologist, my dermatologist, and my gastroenterologist..."
Bo Bienvenu, of Prairieville, says, "My favorite comment about 'looking good' later in life was directed at me at the funeral of a friend.
"I reintroduced myself to her 94-year-old mother and was told, 'You gained some weight. You’d look good if you hadn’t.'”