From Lillian Miller, our unpaid Seasonal Poet:
"Here it is October
and still the A/C blows;
well, we’re in Louisiana
and that’s just the way it goes.
"A closet full of sweaters
I can’t wait to wear.
Doubt I’ll have a chance;
it just ain’t fair!
"But if there’s a bright side
to the absence of a chill,
it’s what the East Coast gets …
a huge heating bill!"
And, in literary news …
Ann Purnell Collom, of Kenner, says, "I couldn't help but laugh out loud at the news of Stormy Daniels' tell-all book, hitting bookstores now.
"They say she has been writing it for 10 YEARS. It's all about her escapades as a stripper and porn star, and of course, Donald Trump.
"She is even selling T-shirts — #TEAM STORMY!
"I don't know about you, Smiley, but I am sensing a Pulitzer Prize for literature here."
Maybe, Ann. I reviewed Blaze Starr's tell-all book about her and Earl Long, and it wasn't bad. The illustrations were especially nice.
On the road again
You folks are hanging onto chicken stories like I hang onto a Raising Cane's chicken finger.
Val Garon, who started this whole thing with an account of his attempts to communicate with chickens by Morse Code, says, "I contacted the boss chicken in the backyard, and in Morse Code posed the question about the road crossing event.
"Here was her answer: 'We cross the road to prove to the armadillo and squirrel that it can be done.'"
Here are John Torbert's views on the issue:
"I know why the chicken crossed the road. They were building a house over there, and she wanted to see a man lay a brick."
Equal time for cows
Our mention of the Turkey Testicle Festival reminded Michael Hess, of Slidell, of a similar cultural event:
"My late grandmother's town, Vinita, Oklahoma, has an annual calf fry festival, featuring 15 cooking teams striving for the 'People's Choice Award.'
"The festival also includes the cow-pie throwing contest."
Nice People Dept.
Folks around Baton Rouge must be feeling especially generous these days. I'm getting a lot of these kind of stories:
Special People Dept.
Virginia Hood Hager, a lifelong New Orleans resident, celebrates her 94th birthday Thursday, Oct. 4. She is a retired grammar school teacher.
Act now, think later
Russ Wise, of LaPlace, says, "Algie Petrere’s advice in the Tuesday column, 'Be decisive,' reminded me of a class I had in officers’ basic training in the Army.
"I had been a sergeant before the Pentagon made a bad decision and made an officer out of me, so I had a bit of experience in decision making.
"But a young recent ROTC grad was new to the process and tended to dither.
"Finally, the instructor, who also happened to be a sergeant, shouted, 'Do something, sir! Even if it’s wrong!'”
Speaking of Algie Petrere, here's her latest:
"Doctor," said the woman as she loudly bounced into the room, "I want you to tell me very frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you.
"First, you need to lose at least 20 pounds. Second, you should use about half as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist — the doctor's office is on the next floor."
Francis Celino, the Metairie Miscreant, says, "Items about driving reminded me of this old chestnut:
"A policeman noticed a car driving 15 mph on a busy highway. He stopped them and saw a little old nun driving.
"He asked her what was wrong, and she said, 'I'm just driving the speed limit.' He said, 'That is the highway number, not the speed limit.'
"He looked in the back seat and saw three other nuns praying like crazy. He asked them, 'What's wrong, sisters?'
"One of them said, 'We just got off Highway 110.'"