Ferd Guttierrez, of Lacombe, says, "Back in the late 1970s, my son, who is physically challenged, and three of his buddies decided to play a round of golf.

"They had one bag and clubs, so the foursome played out of one bag.

"There were some libations involved, and their behavior upset the serious players, so it was reported to the clubhouse.

"The golf pro approached them, questioning their knowledge and behavior. All said they were serious about playing.

"The pro said if this was true, they should all know their handicaps.

"My son was asked first, 'What is your handicap?'

"He replied, 'Cerebral palsy.'"

Here endeth the examination…    

No second opinion?

Ronnie Melancon, of Gretna, adds to our series on seniors and their appearance:

"Recently I visited my vascular specialist, Dr. Robert Batson, who told me if I was in a police lineup, and they were looking for an 84-year-old crook, they would never pick me!

"Dr. Batson is not only caring for my arteries, he's also servicing my ego too! (Free of charge — I think.)"

Aging process

While we're on the subject of senior citizens, Beverly Bulligan, of Kenner, says, "This is another sign of aging — when your liquor cabinet turns into your medicine cabinet."

House out back

Really, I'm trying to wind up the outhouse stories, but they keep coming in.

For instance, Tony Falterman, of Napoleonville, tells of doing a little research on the subject, and finding that outhouse pits were also used for garbage disposal:

"There are outhouse diggers who search for old outhouse locations and find all sorts of things that were thrown in, such as bottles and broken dishes.

"The most interesting outhouses were the two- and even three-story ones on the sides of buildings! There was a set-back on each story."

Tony also found that two-hole and three-hole outhouses weren't designed for companionship, but to accommodate different sized bottoms, such as adults and kids.

I think there's a joke there somewhere… 

Colorblind drivers?

Ray Schell, of Prairieville, follows up on my diatribe about motorists with this chilling tale of drivers living dangerously:

"I saw an example of the unwelcome habits of Louisiana drivers this past Monday in Baton Rouge:

"When I turned left off Airline Highway onto Perkins Road, I noticed the traffic light had turned from caution to red as I was completing my turn.

"Then I saw in my rear view mirror that at least THREE motorists were following me through the intersection.

"Luckily, no one crossing legally on Perkins under green was hit."

Library appreciation

"After touring the NASA Stennis Space Center in Mississippi," says Charlanne Cress, of Zachary, "I wanted to read the history of the development of the center.

"I visited my Zachary branch library to check out the book, 'Way Station to Space' by Mack R. Herring.

"The library did not have it, but the very helpful librarian said she would get it and call me. Thinking she was searching in the East Baton Rouge library system, I went home.

"A few days later I was notified the book was located. To my surprise and good fortune, the book was from the Washington Parish library system!

"Both library systems deserve a round of applause for excellent customer service. Their motto could be, 'If you want to read it, we will find it for you!'”

Special People Dept.

  • Jackie and Maurice "Moose" Bettencourtt, of New Orleans, celebrate 61 years of marriage Friday, July 5.
  • Roger and Jerry del Rio celebrate 60 years of marriage Sunday, July 7.

Theft report

Joel d'Aquin Thibodeaux, of Baton Rouge, resurrects this very old joke — but it still got a chuckle out of me:

"Boudreaux called up the Sheriff's Office and said, 'Come real quick to da parkin' lot at Thibodeaux's Bar! Someone done stole everythin' from my car — da radio, dashboard, steering wheel, brake pedal…'

"The deputy says, 'We on da way, right now!'

"Boudreaux yells back, 'Oh, but mais no! Wait! Don't come. I looked around, and I'm in da back seat!'"

Louisiana Haiku

Sundown on the lake

Fisherman laments bad day

Dinner from a can

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821. Follow Smiley Anders on Twitter, @SmileyAndersAdv.