The New Orleans Saints have been playing good football, but Bill Huey says health concerns may necessitate reviving a tradition from the days of woeful performances:

"As a high-risk group member, you couldn’t pay me to attend a Saints game in the Superdome.

"But it might be a good time for the return of grocery bags as head coverings."

Choosing sides

P.J. Bourgeois, of Opelousas, says, "A friend knows three nuns who stopped for lunch at a restaurant on U.S. 90 near Biloxi.

"The Lions Club was having its lunch there that day. When the nuns entered, the hostess asked, 'Are y'all with the Lions?'

"One of the nuns said, 'No … we're with the Christians.'"

Traveling desert

Wayne Smith, of Covington, comments on a Friday weather event:

"A number of years ago we were hiking on the Italian side of Monte Bianco (Mont Blanc to us), and I was looking up at the spectacular snow-covered peaks of that great mountain (second highest in Europe).

"But the view was spoiled by long streaks of brown/gray 'pollution' on the slopes way up the mountain side. I said to our guide that it was a shame those magnificent mountains were sullied by modern day pollution.

"She looked at me quizzically and said, 'That's not pollution; it's sand from the Sahara Desert.'

"I couldn't believe it, yet here I sit in Covington, with air quality alerts at 'orange,' trying to avoid, you guessed it, sand from the Sahara Desert."

Creative cheating

Doug adds to our tales of fudging on Fitbit steps:

"A few years ago our company had a Fitbit challenge. I did NOT do this, but I’m told that a Fitbit in the dryer on the gentle cycle can you get a person upwards of 10,000 steps in about 40 minutes. An easier way to get those steps!"

Inside the toaster

Speaking of dry heat, here's a story from Randy Rayburn, of McCormick, South Carolina:

"Seeing the stories regarding 'dry heat' made me remember a family trip where we stopped at a roadside park for lunch in Arizona (I realize now this was a way for my parents to save money).

"By the time my mother had made our sandwiches, it was so dry the bread felt as though it had been toasted. That's when my dad tried to explain dry heat to us."

Can it

Jim Bullion, of Prairieville, says, "One reason I don't watch sitcoms is because of the phony canned laughter. Finally getting to watch live golf, I would sure like to hear some canned groans on missed putts and canned applause on good shots."

Nice People Dept.

Eddie Allain says, "I went to a restaurant for a takeout order. As I received my two bags, two young couples were exiting the restaurant.

"One of the young ladies asked where I was parked and offered to help with the bags.

"I suppose that either (A) there’s hope for the future of our world, or (B) my appearance is that of a decrepit old man. I am rooting for A!"

Special People Dept.

  • Helen Hebert, of The Haven at Windermere in Baton Rouge, celebrates her 97th birthday Monday, June 29.
  • Dorothy and Victor Blanchard III, of Plaquemine, celebrated their 57th anniversary June 22.

It takes the cake

I might be wrong, but I think I detect a note of sarcasm in this missive from Carl Resweber, of Mandeville:

"Just read that Gayle Benson is going to rename Dixie Beer. I have a 'can't miss' name she can use; one somebody paid a lot of money coming up with which was barely used.

"How about 'N'awlins Baby Cakes Brew.' It's as sure a win as it was last time!"

What the ale?

"They're looking for community input for a new name for Dixie Beer," says Bob Ussery. "How about 'Swamp Hops?' I'd be happy with 'Benson Beer,' too.

"How about 'Gayle's Ale?'

"I could be getting carried away, but 'Smiley's?'"

Thanks, Bob. That last one has possibilities. I'll have my people get with their people…


Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821. Follow Smiley Anders on Twitter, @SmileyAndersAdv.