Dear Smiley: What Texas did to the LSU band, team, and fans is sucky no doubt, but as the classy flagship university of our great state, a state known for its hospitality and kindness, shouldn’t we back off the "eye for an eye" mentality? We sound petty.

We are better than Texas in all ways! Come on, LSU, put on your big boy pants; show visiting Texans the time of their lives. … Isn’t the revenge of being the bigger and better school more attractive? Just my two cents!


Baton Rouge

Dear Brenna: As the "Southrern" comedian Brother Dave Gardner used to say, "Love your enemies; you'll drive 'em crazy!" 

War and peace

Dear Smiley: After reading the stories of the “chinaball wars,” I’ve come to the conclusion there might be a way to end all the senseless shooting and killing in America today.

Here’s the plan: At least two people on a block, one on either side of the street, should plant a chinaball tree. All families on that particular side of the street should have a stake in the tree’s growth.

At least two families, one on either side of town, should grow small-stalk bamboo or whatever is chosen to be the best “shooter” stalks.

While trees and bamboo are growing, there can be lessons on how to hollow out the bamboo and make a plunger.

While this is happening, people can talk to each other and iron out problems of growing chinaball trees (best fertilizer; how to prune, etc.) and which plants make the best shooters.

Kids throughout America will be able to get their aggression out, “shooting” everyone with whom they do not agree. They’ll be having so much fun, maybe they’ll forget about hatred and revenge and plain ol' meanness.


Morgan City

Hungry runaway

Dear Smiley: Your "running away" stories called one to mind. Years ago I arranged for swimming lessons at our home for our two younger children. Daughter Leslie, 7, announced that she would NOT be participating.

When the first day of lessons arrived, she was nowhere to be found. I received a call from a neighbor telling me she was there.

When I went to fetch her, the neighbor recounted, "Leslie told me, 'Circumstances being what they are, sometimes you just have to run away.'"

My kind neighbor said, "Leslie, running away must be thirsty work. Would you like something cold to drink?" Leslie replied, "And it's hungry work, too! Do you have a cookie?"

After giving Leslie my "Momma" look, she said innocently, "I think I'm ready for swimming lessons!" (She and her brother learned to swim that summer!)



Cold Beetle blues

Dear Smiley: I had a VW Bug I bought used in early 1966. We lived in Skokie, Illinois, and I worked in downtown Chicago, driving to the “L” station every day.

The windshield wipers were so slow I had a difficult time seeing when it rained. When snow came, I had to keep the driver's side window open so I could where I was going. The flakes would cover the windshield entirely before the wipers could push them away.

Chicago gets very, very cold, and the heat could only be accessed by turning a knob that let heat in from the engine — there was no blower. It was not a comfortable car.


New Orleans

Dear Elsa: Indeed a chilling tale, well told. But I'm not sure that last sentence was entirely necessary…

Research Dept.

Dear Smiley: Somehow LaPlace has become donut heaven. We have three full-time donut shops, including one that just opened last week, and at least two grocery stores that make their own.

In the spirit of public service, and while my wife is out of town, I have decided to conduct a taste test on all of the glazed donuts, since they are the only true doughnut.

I will report back.



Dear Russ: We anxiously await your findings. Would it be possible to provide samples of the winning doughnuts so my staff can confirm your decision?

Write Smiley at He can also be reached by mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821. Follow Smiley Anders on Twitter, @SmileyAndersAdv.