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Paul Major, of Livonia, says, "In Sunday's financial column in The Advocate, Chuck Jaffe quotes legendary economist Paul Samuelson as saying that proper investing is 'more like watching paint dry or watching grass grow.'

"Considering all of the heat and rain we've been having recently, I would be ecstatic if my investments were growing as fast as my grass is growing.

"Samuelson probably never lived in Louisiana."

Sweltering but safe

Mike Williams, of Krotz Springs, offers this weather comment:

"One great thing about Louisiana heat. You can pretty much guarantee there's no one in your backseat waiting to kill you."

Cheering news

My Tuesday mention of The Poodles, a group of free-spirited ladies of a certain age, brought this note from Ann Purnell Collom, of Kenner:

"I have a group of 'seenager' friends that I formed called 'Driftwood Chicks' who, until the pandemic, got together to have fun and act like kids — and we love it.

"When the movie 'Poms' (a 2019 Diane Keaton film about a retirement home cheerleading squad) was released to theaters, we took a field trip to attend. One of the Chicks even brought pom-poms that she dug up from a granddaughter.

"We're mostly in our 70s, and a couple of Chicks are in their 80s."

Ann, who signs herself "Queen Chick," warns against the use of "the dreaded E-word" (which I assume is "elderly") and says, "We would attack anyone using it with our canes, but none of us have one."

Arrivederci, aroma

"The Tuesday story of the glands in a raccoon smelling up a kitchen reminded me of a hunting trip several years ago in Mississippi," says Tony Falterman, of Napoleonville:

"I killed a huge boar hog, and inquired from local hunters if it was good to eat. They advised that it was, and skinned it for me. I then had it cut and wrapped for the freezer.

"The first time I tried to cook it, I had to throw the pan and its contents in the yard. The smell was overpowering, and it took a while to get the aroma out of the house!

"Garbage was the next stop for the remaining pork contents of the freezer."

It would appear, Tony, that either the Mississippi folks had never dealt with a boar before, or they were playing an expensive "pig prank" on a flatlander.

Hog wild

Our discussion of the noble pig reminds me of an old story I've probably told recently. But if no one minds, I'll tell it again, because it amuses me.

Anyone mind?

Good, then here it is:

A long time ago, when I was fairly new to Baton Rouge's colorful Spanish Town neighborhood, a neighbor was telling us about her brother's "Cajun microwave" (an insulated box in which the meat is slowly cooked by hot coals piled on top).

We decided to have a neighborhood hog roast, and one well-connected gent offered to get a whole seasoned pig for us. As I recall, the pigs were prepared as an FFA (Future Farmers of America) project by students in French Settlement.

All of us chipped in for the pig, which arrived at my house in a sealed heavy plastic bag on the Friday night before the Saturday roast.

Suddenly it occurred to me that I had no place to put the thing. My fridge was way too small.

So I called Randy Hutchinson, manager of nearby Capitol Grocery, to ask if I could store it overnight in their cooler.

Randy wasn't in the store when I talked to him on the phone, and he must not have gotten the whole message, because I learned later the conversation with the clerk at the store went like this:

Randy: "Smiley Anders is coming in with a pig for us to keep until Saturday."

Clerk: "Is it alive or dead?"

Randy: "I don't know. If it's dead, put it in the cooler. If it's alive, stake it out back."      

Groaner of the Week

From Marvin Borgmeyer: "What do you call a long line of people waiting for their grilled hamburger? A barbequeue!" 

Write Smiley at He can also be reached by mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821. Follow Smiley Anders on Twitter, @SmileyAndersAdv.