Some things never change.

Rudy MacDonald, of Baton Rouge, says, "I found a story I wrote for your column over 25 years ago."

In it Rudy told how, after moving to Baton Rouge in 1982, he was troubled by squirrels getting in his bird feeder:

"By 1984, I had given up the battle to beat those pesky squirrels." 

So when he saw an ad for a "guaranteed money back" squirrel-proof bird feeder, he ordered one.

The feeder, mounted on a metal pole 6 feet above the ground, had a weighted opening that closed when a squirrel jumped on it.

Rudy says, "One day the wife and I saw about five of the rascals having a strategy meeting under the feeder.

"They found that every time a squirrel jumped off the feeder platform, the closing of the door shook the feeder and some food fell to the ground.

"Those slick critters designated a 'jumper' who would climb up and jump off, causing some food to fall down. The feeder was empty by the end of the day."

Rudy adds, "Those rascals passed their smarts on to their offspring. Still impossible to beat."

By the way, he never got a refund on his "guaranteed" bird feeder.

Dearly departed

Speaking of critters, Juanita Coe, of Baton Rouge, says our stories about deceased animals "made me remember the bird funeral.

"My granddaughter Kara found a dead baby bird and came inside, brokenhearted, holding it.

"All I could think of to console her was for her to help me bury it, in a matchbox lined with tissue.

"I dug a hole my flower bed — perfect bird cemetery — put in the box, covering it nicely, and started to walk away.

"She then asked me, very seriously, 'Aren't you going to say a few words?'

"I had to find the appropriate words for a bird funeral and then say them. I did, and no more tears."

Bilingual marketing

P.J. Bourgeois, of Opelousas, says, "When I was in high school in the 1950s, my father took me to several cattle auctions near Crowley and Jennings, where the auctioneer slid effortlessly back and forth between French and English, and frequently ended his spiel with the words, 'Vendu á Monsieur Bourgeois!' (sold to Mr. Bourgeois).

"I wonder if there are any auctioneers left in Louisiana — or Quebec or New England — who can still do that."

Sibling rivalry

Julie Kammer says, "I have a 12-year-old daughter and triplet 10-year-olds. When one of my sons found out the national championship football game (LSU facing Clemson) was in New Orleans, he asked why we weren’t going.

"I told him, 'The tickets are expensive — and so are you all!'

"Gaven looks at me steadily: 'So if the other two weren’t born we could go?'

"I look at him in silence. 'Yeah.'

"PS: No one was killed. Yet."

Complaint Dept.

Martind Audiffred, of Mandeville, says, "I am amazed at individuals, especially those dressed in exercise clothes, who when they have completed their shopping, reach their car, unload the shopping cart and then jam the empty shopping cart between the side or front bumpers and drive away.

"They are either too lazy to walk over and return the cart to the store or the storage stand (that is usually two car lengths away), or feel that someone will do that for them.

"Maybe they are late for the exercise club."

Special People Dept.

  • Leonard and Donna Blanchard, of Greenwell Springs, celebrated their 63rd anniversary Saturday, Jan. 18.
  • Jimmy and Billie Langlois celebrated their 63rd anniversary Sunday, Jan. 19.

Attention, guys

Marvin Borgmeyer, of Baton Rouge, offers this advice to his fellow males:

"When a woman asks you, 'What did you say?', it does not mean she did not hear you. She is giving you a chance to change what you said!"

Weighty topic

"Did you make goals for 2020?" asks Algie Petrere, of Central. "A friend of mine made the following:

"Goals for 2020:

"1. Get back the lean, athletic body I had before the accident.

"2. Stop calling getting fat and out of shape 'the accident.’ ”

Write Smiley at He can also be reached by mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821. Follow Smiley Anders on Twitter, @SmileyAndersAdv.