Herb Landry, of Slidell, says the recent account of a Breaux Bridge turtle race reminded him of this story:

"One night, I was in a beer joint on Highway 11, where a race track had been set up on a pool table. It was made of clear plastic, with five runways.

"Five cockroaches were in the paddock, and the bar patrons would place a $20 bet on their favorite.

"I selected a long and lean roach named Speedball. When the starting gate was lifted, he came out two lengths ahead. Then he slowed down to let the pack catch up.

"At the finish line, it was almost a dead heat, but Speedball won by a whisker. I collected my $100 and called it a night."

Gourmet greens

Larry Lemoine, of Grosse Tete, says one night, he received a call from his brother Buster:

"He told me he had just experienced the epitome of Plaucheville sophisticated dining. He and wife, Caroly, had mustard greens and champagne for supper.

"I said, 'Yeah, and I bet you had a candle, too.'

"He told me, 'No, but we had flowers from the yard in a cold drink bottle on the table.'

"I've been telling him for years Mom must have found him somewhere. …"

Don't (expletive) jump!

Willie Price, of New Iberia, has this flying story:

"In about 1967, 15 or 20 of us jumpers from the 1st Air Commando Wing at England Air Force Base in Alexandria were en route to Fort Carson, Colorado, for mountain climbing training.

"We were aboard a C-123 with only two engines. The loadmaster, in the cargo area with us, was told by the captain that he had feathered an engine and for us to take our seats and buckle up.

"One jumper saw there were emergency parachutes aboard, so we unbuckled our seat belts, grabbed chutes and told the loadmaster we were getting out.

"The pilot, who could see into the cargo area, told us, 'Put those (expletive) chutes away, sit your (expletives) down and buckle the (expletive) up. No one is jumping out of this (expletive) aircraft. I don’t want to hear another (expletive) word out of anybody.'

"We landed safely and without incident in Childress, Texas."

Special People Dept.

  • Peggy Wooldridge celebrates her 98th birthday Wednesday, Oct. 25.
  • Robert A. Cosgrove Sr. celebrates his 96th birthday Wednesday, Oct. 25. He is a Navy veteran and retired from the U.S. Postal Service.
  • Trudy Edelman, of Mandeville, celebrates her 94th birthday Wednesday, Oct. 25.
  • Gloria Cervini, of Kenner, celebrated her 91st birthday on Oct. 10.
  • Robert A. Seals Sr. celebrated his 91st birthday Oct. 12. He is a Marine veteran and Purple Heart recipient.

Peter and Paul

Shirley Ross, of New Orleans, says our tale of identical twins brought this story to mind:

"When my youngest son was 5 years old and attending kindergarten, he asked if he could invite a classmate to our house for a playdate.

"He also asked if he should invite his friend's brother, who was also in their class.

"I asked, 'Could those brothers be twins?'

"My son replied he didn't know if they were twins, 'But if you're looking at Peter, you're looking at Paul.'

"We invited both boys, and sure enough, they were identical."

Rodent attack!

Joan Pagel, of Baton Rouge, warns us about squirrels:

"When we moved into new quarters at Fort Knox, Kentucky, we found that every evening, several squirrels would gather on our back stoop. Against my advice, my husband would feed these little critters.

"One evening, a squirrel bit him. Our neighbor, an Army doctor, suggested he get a tetanus shot.

"He wound up with a swollen tongue, red itchy rash, sore joints and low-grade fever, and one morning passed out, cracking his head and spending three days in the hospital.

"Moral: Don't feed squirrels!"

No more squirrels!

You might have noticed that lately, I've been running a few stories about our furry friend, the squirrel.

Ernie Gremillion reacts to this:

"I guess I'll have to start up a club, ARASUSS (Advocate Readers Against Smiley's Use of Squirrel Stories), and offer free membership."

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0371 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821. Follow Smiley Anders on Twitter, @SmileyAndersAdv.