I have just about had it with our neighbors to the north, Canada; it's their damn geese that make me mad. We live near water, so those big birds flock here by the dozens — sometimes, it feels like hundreds — soiling my lawn with dog-sized droppings, biting my neighbor's puppy, honking to get me up too early and demanding we feed them or they attack.
Something has got to be done about them! They are "protected" by the government, so I can't get out my trusty 12-gauge and get rid of them that way, but I do have an idea. President Donald Trump should add a surcharge tax, a kind of tariff, on all goods coming from Canada and double it every week until they take their geese back and put up a very tall fence to keep them from coming here. Let's even tax Eskimo Pies and that funny bacon they make until they give in. You would think our alligators would eat them all, but they have let us down this time. I guess you can't count on alligators for anything important. In the meantime, I'll build a scarecrow holding a recipe for Cajun-style cooked goose. Something has to be done . . . soon!